Someone Like You
by Isabella Monroe
Summary: This story is love triangle between Shepard/Alenko/Vega. It will be told from Alenko and Vega's POVs. It will highlight parts of the game, but will not be a retelling of it. Not an AU, but some liberties have been taken for the sake of the plot.
1. Chapter 1 Someone Like You

**This is my first foray into the Mass Effect world. All of my stories have been about Dragon Age so it took some time and about five different versions of this chapter before I was somewhat happy with it. I'm not completely satisfied, but I hope that the more that I write these characters the stronger they will be come. Please share your thoughts with me, but be gentle with my delicate ego. ; )**

**Chapter 1 – Someone Like You**

"I've been searching a long time, for someone exactly like you.

I've been traveling all around the world, waiting for you to come through

Someone like you make it all worthwhile

Someone like you, keep me satisfied, someone exactly like you.

I've been traveling a hard road, I've been looking for someone exactly like you

I've been carrying my heavy load, waiting for the light to come shining through

Someone like you, make it all worthwhile

Someone like you, keep me satisfied, someone exactly like you.

I've been doing some soul searching, to find out where you were at

I've been up and down the highway, in all kinds of foreign lands

Someone like you, make it all worthwhile

Someone like you, keep me satisfied, someone exactly like you."

_Someone Like You by Van Morrison_

Six months ago when the Normandy had docked in Washington DC and the Alliance had taken the infamous Commander Teghan Shepard into protective custody Lieutenant James Vega had never in a million years dreamed that he would be assigned as the legendary Commander's personal bodyguard. Ever since officers training school, he had heard all the stories about the heroic actions of the N7 officer, but what the stories didn't say was how incredibly down-to-earth she was, they didn't depict her quick sense of humor that at times boarded on inappropriate and the tales always seem to leave out how a woman who had been in more firefights then most military squadrons and brought back from the dead had remained so unbelievably beautiful.

Guarding her 24/7 had given him the privilege to get to know the real Commander Shepard and she was unlike any woman that he had ever met before. He was completely drawn to her and captivated by her, although he would never let her know that because it would put him at a very unfair disadvantage and finding things to leverage to her advantage was something that she excelled at. The woman had two very distinct personas. There was her public one in which she was as cool as a cucumber, calculating, diplomatic, but still had the ability to put those around her at ease and have them telling her every one of their dirty, sordid secrets. He honestly didn't know how she did it. When she had stood up in court and the Counsel had stripped her of her command and her ship she had remained unreadable, unflappable and James knew that with a poker face like that he couldn't wait to get her to the card table.

Her private side, the one that very few got to see, was the part of her had captured his mind and his heart. When she lowered her guard and was just herself, there was a magnetism about her that pulled him in. It was more than her quick-wit, her charming smile, the way her eyes lit up when she told a story or joke or the way she could disarm you with a single glance. For him, the moment he knew he was a goner was when they had walked into her room after her trial, the second that the door closed and she knew that there were no probing eyes, her defenses crumbled. She sank onto the sofa, rested her elbows on her knees and buried her head in her hands. She looked so vulnerable and defenseless, every fiber in his being just wanted to protect and comfort her. She shook her head in defeat.

"James, I d-don't know where to go from here...I'm a soldier, it's all I know..."

James' heart broke for her in that moment even as the anger at what they had done to her coursed through his veins. He walked over to her, knelt down in front of her and grasped her hands in his as he looked into her lovely emerald eyes. "You still are a soldier, Shepard. Just because those pendejos have their heads so far up their asses that they just benched their prize fighter in the twelfth round doesn't make it any less true. You know who you are. Don't let them take that from you."

She stared down at their clasped hands for a long moment and he had to fight the growing urge to pull her into his arms and comfort her...in more than a guardian kind of way. She looked back up at him as an impish grin spread across her lips. "Pendejo, huh?...I'm going to have to remember that and use it more frequently when dealing with the Counsel." And just like that the confident, self-assured Commander was back. He had no idea what well of strength she drew from, but her ability to compartmentalize was incredible.

_"Hey pendejo..." a cool sultry voice said as a pistachio bounced off his forehead pulling him out of his thoughts. He looked up into her emerald green eyes that were dancing with mischief. "Grow some cojones and ante up."_

_"You know, Commander, it's a real turn on when you swear in Spanish at me," James replied._

_"Turning you on is not my goal here, Lieutenant, but taking all your money is. Now, are you in, big boy or out?" Shepard replied with coy grin as she tossed back her long, dark mahogany hair. _

_James looked at his cards then at the pile of credits on the table. He looked over at the marine on his right. _

_"You got to know when to hold, know when to fold them," Shepard sung lightly under her breath. _

_James ignored her taunts. "What about you, Todd?"_

_The blond haired man just shook his head and threw his cards down on the table, "Nope, that's too rich for my blood. I'm out."_

_The Turian soldier sitting across from him said with smiled, "Oh, I'm in…all in." He pointed to the three hundred credits he had just thrown on the pile. _

_"Know when to walk away, know when to run," she continued to croon softly._

_"Commander, what did you bet?" James asked._

_"I told you not call me Commander anymore, James, and if the game is boring you so much that it can't keep your attention then maybe you don't deserve to know," Shepard replied._

_"Come on Chiquita, give me a break."_

_"Oh alright, I met my fine Turian friend's bet and I raised it," Shepard replied._

_"How much?" James asked patiently._

_A sly grin spread across her face as she took a sip of her whiskey, "That all the losers had to lose their shirts…literally."_

_James smiled and he couldn't stop his eyes from glimpsing down at her chest. "Oh Comm…I mean Shepard, I'm going to enjoy this show. I meet your beat." James said as he threw the matching credits on the pile. _

_"So what do you ladies have?" James asked purposely looking at the Turian._

_"Full house," the Turian said as he laid down three tens and two aces and began to pull the pile his way._

_"Not so fast, sticky fingers," James said. Then he looked over at Shepard who had the best poker face he had ever seen. "And you my dear lady, what do you have?"_

_She grinned at him. "I'll you show you mine, if you show me yours."_

_James laughed. "Oh, I do believe you will be showing me yours," James said as he laid down the seven, eight, nine, ten and jack of hearts. James leaned back in his chair and grinned._

_"Wow, a straight flush…impressive…hmmm, that certainly would beat my four of kind," Shepard said as she slowly placed the queen of spades down on the table, followed by the queen of diamonds, hearts and clubs._

_"You can remove that shirt of yours anytime, 'Commander'," James purred and the other two players at the table leaned forward._

_Shepard held up the last remaining card in her hand. "Except…"_

_James' eyes went wide, "Except?"_

_"Except if you're playing with a wild card," Shepard stated as she laid the Joker on top of her four queens giving her a five of a kind._

_"I believe it will be you, Mr. Vega that will be giving us the show," Shepard cooed._

_She pulled the pile of credits towards her she and as if serenading the money she sang, "You never count your money while sittin' at the table, there will be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done."_

James laughed at the memory as he now made his way to her room. He had certainly given her a show as he made a production out of removing his shirt and when he had started for the belt on his pants, the other two soldiers had scrambled for the door, but Shepard had remained in her chair, laughing, her eyes glistening with delight. She told him to keep his pants on, but her eyes had definitely lingered on his bare chest. He was glad that he had managed to make her stay at the Alliance a little more bearable and that during that time they had become friends…sort of. Did you ever really become friends with a woman like Teghan Shepard?

James knocked on her door then walked in. "Commander," he said as he saluted her.

"James, James, James," Shepard said as she shook her head. "How many times to do I have to tell you not to call me Commander?"

James chuckled. "I'm not supposed to salute you either, but you don't see me stopping that."

"Either, you are very bad at following orders or its just mine you like to defy."

"Well, you're the one that keeps saying they aren't a commander any more, if that's the case then I don't have to follow your orders."

"Touche," Shepard replied with a grin.

"I'm here to escort you to the Pentagon. The Defense Committee wants to see you," James replied.

"Oooo, sounds important," Shepard said sarcastically as she followed him out of her room. She glanced around at all of the staff bustling around.

"What's going on?"

"I don't have a clue. They just told me to get you."

They briskly walked down the hall when James saw Admiral Anderson approach. He saluted him as Anderson shook Shepard's hand.

"You look good, Shepard. Maybe a little soft around the middle," Anderson stated.

James watched as she looked down and self-consciously rubbed her stomach. To be honest, James had no idea what the hell the Admiral was talking about. Shepard looked fine…more than fine to him.

James had to pick up his pace in order to keep up the two of them. They bantered back and forth regarding the counsel, Hackett and the reapers. It wasn't until Major Alenko arrived and he felt the tension rise in Shepard that he actually started to pay attention.

"Shepard," the Major questioned as he approached the group.

"Kaidan." There was hesitation in her voice that was underlined with pain.

"How did it go in there?" Anderson asked.

"You can never tell with them. I'm just waiting for orders," Major Alenko replied his eyes never leaving Shepard's face.

"Come on, Shepard," Anderson said.

James watched them walk away. He glanced over at the Major and noticed he was watching them too. There was a yearning in the man's expression that James recognized immediately.

"You know the Commander?" James asked.

There was a hesitation before he replied. "I used to or at least I thought I did," he said with regret.

Before James could reply a Staff Sergeant raced up to them and saluted. "Major Alenko and Lieutenant Vega, I have orders for the two of you to report to the Normandy immediately."

"What's going on?" Alenko asked.

"I'm not sure, Major. I was told you would receive your orders once you were on board the ship."

Now they were racing toward Mars, leaving the fight and Anderson behind back on Earth that was now being ravaged by the Reapers. It wasn't in his nature to run from a fight and every cell in his body was screaming for him to get off of that ship. When he had questioned her about this decision, he saw the real Commander Shepard for the first time. The lighthearted, joke cracking, whiskey drinking, card playing woman he had met had been replaced by a fighter with a strong backbone and take no shit attitude.

And she had definitely come to the end of taking his shit as she jammed her finger into his chest. "Enough Lieutenant! Don't you think I'd rather stay and fight? But we're going to the Citadel. You want out, you can catch a ride back from there."

James' body was shaking from fury, he didn't trust his ability to speak so he just turned and walked away from her.

Their plans had changed and Hackett diverted them to Mars to retrieve some important information from the archives. From the moment that they landed they were in a battle with Cerberus fighters as they fought their way to the Mars facility. The moment that they were inside and clear from Cerberus soldiers Alenko whirled on her.

"Shepard, I need a straight answer," Major Alenko demanded.

"Kaidan," Shepard said warily.

"Don't Kaidan me. This is business," Alenko shot back in frustration.

James felt his heart jump at the familiarity of the words. _ Don't Kaidan me! _As if they had been down this path before...as if there was a history between them.

"Really? You think this is business. I don't think so! You have definitely made this personal," Shepard shot back.

"I have every right to question why Cerberus is here and since you worked for them…"

"I didn't work for them. I used them to stop the collectors since the Alliance was sitting on its ass letting colonies get harvested!"

"There's more to it, Shepard and you know it. They built you from the ground up then they gave you a ship and resources…"

"Oh for fuck sake, let me spell this out for you, Kaidan, I have had no contact with Cerberus since stopping the collectors and I have no idea why they are here or what they want," Shepard said as she took in a deep breath to collect herself.

It was clear that Alenko's doubts about her were very painful and James had enough of watching the bastard interrogate her. "Commander Shepard has been under constant surveillance since returning to Earth. There is no way they could have contacted her."

Through the visor of her helmet she looked over at him and there was gratitude in her eyes. James gave a curt nod of acknowledgment. How could the Major doubt her heart? It was written there for anyone with eyes to see.

The air pressure valve went off and all three of them removed their helmets.

"I'm sorry, Teg…it's just that…" _Teg he had just called her Teg._ There was an intimacy about the way he said the nickname. James felt sick at his stomach.

She spun and cut him off in mid-sentence. "If you don't trust Cerberus that's fine, but I am done explaining myself to you, Kaidan. You…" She paused as she collected her thoughts, and shook her head. "Y-you of all people should know who I am and what I'm about. Cerberus may have rebuilt my body, but they didn't rebuild my soul. "

Kaidan looked like someone had smacked him in the face as he ran his hand through his hair in frustration. It was blatantly obvious that these two had a past and one that hadn't ended on a good note.

"Are we clear?" Shepard demanded.

"Perfectly."

James didn't know the details of Shepard and Alenko's history, but he had hoped that by clearing the air between the two of them that it would help her put whatever their past was behind them, but as he watched her rock the unconscious, broken Alenko in her arms, her raw emotions completely exposed, he knew she was far from over the Major. An intelligent man would have counted his losses and walked away, but no one had ever accused him of being Einstein. He couldn't walk away from her even if he had wanted to. She was everything he had ever wanted in a woman and so much more. She may bring him heaven or hell, but he couldn't walk away until he knew which.

_**xxXxx**_

When they had arrived on the Citadel, Shepard was all business. First she made sure that Major Alenko had been taken care of at the hospital before she went to the counsel to request their aid for earth. He wasn't sure how it went, but when he saw her talking with Cortez and the other crew members, he really hoped that she made her way over to him. He watched as she talked and laughed with her crew, putting them at ease as she took the time to get to know each of them on a personal level. He really admired that about about her. To distract himself and to keep from staring at her, he began doing pull up reps.

A few minutes later she walked over and into his line of sight. "Hey Shepard, how did it go with the counsel?"

"The same old, same old, noncommittal, unhelpful and we ended with a nice game of you smack my ass I'll smack yours."

He grinned at her as he pulled his head above the bar and looked down at her. "Well, that could be fun…so what are we doing for this fun game of grab ass."

"We're going to rescue a Turian primarc from Palaven."

He continued to do his pull ups, trying not to think about how good she looked in that tight Alliance uniform. "Well that sounds interesting, never been to the Turian home world..." Why the hell was he suddenly so nervous around her? He couldn't think of damn thing to say.

"So did you come down here for something or are you just looking?"

"I did just come down here to chat, but I am enjoying the show."

"You're going to have to work harder than that if you want to make me blush, Chiquita. I'm not sure what you want to talk about. You've seen my service record."

"No I haven't. I wasn't privileged to that information when I was being held in custody."

James let go of the bar and dropped to the floor. He cracked his neck, trying to clear his head…she was now his Commanding Officer, she was now his Commanding Officer, she was now his Commanding Officer, he repeated over and over again.

"Well, you think you can dance and talk at the same time?" He asked as he cracked his knuckles.

"Oh, I can dance."

He chuckled as he followed her into the open area in the holding bay. "Okay, Chiquita, let's do this."

She grinned at him. "Don't let my good looks fool ya. I got my share of scars." She gave two quick jabs toward his face which he easily blocked.

He smirked at her. "Care to give me a personal viewing of these so called scares."

"Only after I give you a few new ones," she grunted. Jab, jab, block.

"Ha, you sound like my old CO." He said as he advanced towards her. Jab, block, jab, block, left hook, side step.

She quickened her steps as she advanced back towards him – jab, block, jab, side step, uppercut, back step. "Oh yeah," she panted. "And who was that?"

"Captain Toni, he was a hard ass son of a bitch, but a good leader," he panted - straight punch, block, jab, block.

"Was?"

"Died…with most of my squad. We were protecting a civilian colony from a Collector attack." Jab, block, left hook...and she connected with the side of his mouth.

He smirked and licked at the blood on his lip. "Nice."

"And the colony?"

"It was either them or the intel we had on the collectors," James grunted as he threw a hook, followed by an uppercut…block, block, but she stopped moving as the anger from that event forced his voice to become raspy.

"Intel that we could use to destroy them!" He grunted and threw a jab, hook combo. She held her ground and blocked the blows.

"I chose the intel." Anger coursed through him and the image of all those colonists either dead or harvested came to the forefront of his mind. He grunted then threw two quick left jabs followed by a right hook, catching her off guard and connecting with the side of her mouth.

Blood began pouring out her nose and down the side of her mouth, but she didn't back down. She advanced on him. "Tough choice," she growled – jab, jab, uppercut. "But it was the right call."

He lowered his hands slightly and looked at her. "You think so?"

Her fists were raised in a protective manner, but she looked over her hands and stared right into his eyes. "I would have done the same."

He laughed and circled her. "Funny thing was, that is exactly what you were doing. You were out saving the galaxy by taking out down the entire Collector homeworld. We never needed that intel."

"James, you had no way of knowing that. You can't blame yourself." Jab, block, jab, jab.

"Who says I'm blaming myself?"

She pivoted on her left foot, brought her leg up and delivered a solid kick into his sternum. He stumbled backwards, lowering his arms. "I do!" She declared.

"Are you a shrink too?" He asked, still a little off balance from the kick to the chest.

She moved in quickly, threw a hook and then an uppercut, connecting with the later. "Nope, but that stunt back on Mars was reckless. You're lucky to be alive."

"So!"

"So maybe you don't care if you live or die…"

"Or maybe, I'm just willing to do whatever the fuck it takes to end this God damn war," he yelled as he threw a hook, she grabbed his arm, pivoted into him, using his momentum and weight she bent over threw him over her shoulder. He landed on his back. Stunned, out of breath and completely turned on, watched as she sauntered over to him.

"Maybe you are," she reached out and extended her hand to him. He clasped and she pulled him to his feet. "But if you are half as good as I think you are, James. I need you alive."

James whipped the blood from the side of his mouth. "Thanks for the pep talk."

"Anytime."

"And thanks for the dance, Lola."

She smiled at him. "Lola…what no Chiquita?"

He laughed. "No, after seeing those moves you are definitely a Lola."

"You're cute, so I'll let you get away with it for now."

"That's it…now you made me blush," James said with a grin as he turned away from her…what he didn't say was she had also made him so incredibly hard. He looked over his shoulder and watched her walk away. She had said that she needed him and smile spread across his lips.

"What a woman," he thought.

**A/N – Huge hugs to the Beta Goddess Jinxy for working her magic on this chapter. You rock my friend.**


	2. Chapter 2 Against All Odds

My beta is on vacation this week so please forgive any punctuation or grammatical errors. I promise that my beta guru will return for the next chapter...hopefully.

**Chapter 2 – Against All Odds**

"I wish I could just make you turn around, turn around and see me cry.

There's so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why.

You're the only one who really knew me at all.

So take a look at me now, well, there's just an empty space

And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face.

Now take a look at me now 'cos there's just an empty space

But to wait for you is all I can do and that's what I've got to face.

Take a good look at me now 'cos I'll still be standing here

And you coming back to me is against all odds, it's the chance I've got to take."

_Against All Odds by Phil Collins_

When Kaidan woke up he had been told that he had been unconscious for ten days. He had also been told that Commander Shepard had remained at his bedside for seven of those ten days and only had left when she could no longer postpone her obligations to the Counsel and to Earth. That had been fifteen days ago…fifteen long days and not one word from her. He had sent her an email saying that the doctors were now allowing him to have visitors and still his inbox had remained empty. Counselor Udina had told him that she had gone to Palvan to rescue the Primarc, she had succeed only to be pulled into more political posturing and was now on her way to Sur'Kesh to save a Krogan female.

Kaidan knew her so well. He knew that she would become obsessed with the mission, that it would become all consuming, pushing her, fueling her…that was who she was. It was that drive that allowed her to succeed where others failed, but he had to wonder if he would ever be that kind of priority to her? Even as he thought the question, the guilt washed over him as Ashley's face flickered across his memories. He was here…he was alive because Teghan had made him a priority over Ashley. He remembered those nights that had followed her death, the two of them had clung to each other both consumed by grief, guilt and relief. They had learned to move on from that tragedy together and then together they had defeated the geth, defeated Saren, defeated Sovereign and survived Ilos. He had believed that together they could overcome anything.

And then the unthinkable happened…he had lost her. He was alive and she was gone. He might as well have been dead…her death had killed something inside him…it had taken his will to live. He had been walking, talking, breathing corpse. Oh he went through the daily motions of life, but he had stopped living. There were a million things that happened every day that reminded him of her and the ache in his chest only grew worse. Wasn't there some bullshit about time healing all wounds? The person that had said that was full of shit or they had never lost their soul mate.

His friends and family were concerned about him, they had tried to pull him out of the haze that he was living in by taking him out for drinks or worse trying to set him up on dates…he had just stopped taking their calls. It had been Anderson who finally had gotten through to him by shaming him. The still then Counselor had told him that his behavior belittled the memory of Teghan and everything she had ever worked for. If he truly loved her and wanted to honor her he would get his life back on track and continue the work that she had started.

Anderson had been right. He knew that she would have been so pissed at him if she could see the shell of the man he had become. So he went back to work, trying to keep himself busy so that his mind was not idle so that it didn't drift back to thoughts of her. He put in long hours so that when he eventually fell into bed he didn't dream about her…he had survived…alone, but he also realized that sometimes survival wasn't enough.

It was six months after her death that he heard the first rumors about her, about Cerberus, but he had just written it off as idol gossip. The first story that had grabbed his attention was about eight months later when he had been stationed on Horizon. The details had been far-fetched, but still plausible. A couple of Alliance soldiers had docked at the colony to pick up supplies. He had overheard them talking and had ignored most of the conversation until he heard her name.

"Yeah, so did you hear that they found Shepard's body out in deep space and that the Shadow Broker was looking to sell it?" one of the soldiers stated matter-of-factly.

Anger rose up in him so quickly that he literally snapped the pen he held in his grasp in a half. NO! He absolutely refused to believe that the Shadow Broker was bartering with her body. He just couldn't allow himself to mentally head down that path not if he wanted to remain sane.

"That isn't what I heard. The last time I was on Omega, I overhead a few Cerberus officers talking about a highly classified project. They said that Cerberus has her…that she isn't dead and that they are keeping her prisoner."

"Jonesy, you're so full of shit," the other soldier laughed as he threw an apple at the man's head.

"Hey man, I'm just telling you what I heard."

He tried not to let the small grain of hope take root. She wasn't alive…she was dead…she was gone…she wasn't coming back. He repeated over and over again, trying to stomp out the tendrils of hope that tried to grow. He had failed and failed miserably. The idea that she was alive had started to take hold and he couldn't shake the feeling. The thought that Cerberus had her, was experimenting on her outraged him. If she was alive, if they had her, he had to find her, had to save her. He had reached out to Anderson, to the members of the Alliance that might have known anything and they all rebuffed his inquiries which told him there had to be some truth to it.

Then the rumors started that not only was she alive, but that she was now working for those sick bastards. He couldn't believe that bit of gossip...refused to. There was no way in hell that Shepard...his Shepard would ever work for those bastards. If she was then they had done something to her, altered her somehow and she was no longer the woman that he knew and loved.

Looking back now he knew that he had handled the whole situation on Horizon poorly. Honest to God though he had never expected to see her there and the very sight of her had stunned him. At first he thought he was hallucinating or dreaming, he had actually pinched his hand to make sure that he was awake.

As he approached her, he studied her intently looking for any sign that it wasn't her that Cerberus had somehow created a clone of her, but everything about her was exactly how he remembered it; from the way she moved, to the impish grin she gave him, to that familiar gleam in her eyes when she saw him. Instinctively, without even thinking, he pulled her into his arms, buried his head in her neck, breathed her in and that distinct scent of vanilla, citrus and spices inundated his scenes and his mind flooded with hundreds of memories of her. He literally had to fight back the tears.

She was here, she was in his arms. She had been dead, but now she was alive. She was alive…she had been alive this entire time…while he mourned her…while he tried to figure out how to live his life without her, she had been alive. Fuck! The emotional strain over the past two years had caused something in him to snap. His heart had gone from complete joy to overwhelming anger in a matter of minutes and to say that he hadn't reacted well would be a bit of an understatement.

She had stood there asking him how he had been. _Are you kidding me? Are you __**fucking**__ kidding me? How the fuck do you think I've been? I've been mourning your death, trying to survive through the day just to get up the next day to do the same. _

She stood there telling him that she had been clinically dead that it had taken Cerberus two years to put her back together. That because so much time had passed she assumed that he had moved on and that she didn't want to open old wounds…._Old Wounds_! _To have old wounds would imply that my wounds have actually healed…they haven't, they have just scabbed over and seeing you here trying to make excuses for not letting me know you were alive just sliced those lacerations right open Sweetheart!_

Searing pain coursed through him, his heart ached and worst of all he wanted was for her to feel just a tenth of the agony he was in. It had brought him some kind of sick satisfaction for a brief moment when he watched the ripples of anguish flicker across her face when he had told her that he had moved on...that was until he had seen the same heartache in her eyes that was in his heart, instantly causing him to regret his words, but not enough to stop him from accusing her of jumping into bed with the enemy, of betraying the Alliance, of betraying him.

The first message he had sent her a message was still fueled by anger and the need to show her that she wasn't the only one that could move on. Why he thought it was a good idea to mention going out on a date was beyond him? She had never replied and he honestly couldn't blame her.

When he had time to truly calm down, to think about all that she had told him, he regretted everything that he had said to her. She was going after the Collectors, she was going through the Omega 4- Relay, she was on another suicide mission and he had let her walk away without telling her how much he had missed her, how much he loved her...still. He had sat down a hundred different times to write her again, apologize for his bad reaction on Horizon and explain why he had overreacted, but the words would never come because in recesses of his mind he doubted her and if it really was her.

He had heard about her team destroying the Collector's homeworld and blowing up the Mass Relay that annihilated 300,000 Batarians. His initial reaction had been that his Shepard would never have done such a thing, but when he read the reports that Reapers were just minutes away from coming through the relay he knew she had acted appropriately...that she had acted exactly the his Shepard would…defeat the Reapers no matter what the cost.

Their confrontation on Mars was his latest round of 'how much pain can you cause Shepard'. The ache his doubts about her had caused were etched clearly on her face and in her eyes. It killed him knowing that he was the cause of that anguish. Again, he had immediately had regretted his words, he instantly wanted to take them back, but he hadn't been able to before he had ended up here.

During his stay at the hospital, he had met a member of her team that she had taken with her to the Collector's base. The gravely ill Drell was very loyal to Shepard. Which wasn't surprising, there wasn't a person that had followed her that was not devoted to her. The Drell was also very insightful which was a little surprising considering he was an assassin, but after speaking with him, Kaidan was even more confused. He could tell by the way Thane spoke of her that the two had shared a connection. When Kaidan questioned him about it the assassin just shook his and said that some are fated to be lovers while others are destined to remain only friends. What the hell did that mean? Was he referring to Kaidan or himself as the fated lover?

Despite his confusion, his conversation with the assassin had placed some things into perspective for him, gave him a lot to think and reflect on. He loved her. He always would. However, they had caused each other so much pain that he didn't know if they could move beyond it, but he wanted to try if she was willing to give him a chance.

There was a slight knock at the door then it opened and she walked in. She looked incredible and he felt his heart leap in his chess. There was so much he wanted to say to her and every thought he had just completely escaped him at the very sight of her.

"Hey Shepard," he said trying to sound nonchalant.

"Hi Kaidan," she said with a warm smile. She handed him a package. "I brought you something to keep you entertained while you are cooped up here."

"You didn't have to do that," he said with a grin as he took the gift from her and opened it. He laughed when he saw the book.

"You do realize that these…"He held up the book and shook it. "Come electronically now."

"I know, but there's something to be said about holding the weight of the bound book in your hand, the feel of the pages as you turn them…I know it's silly…call me old fashion," she said with a shy smile.

"I always found your obsession with all things archaic endearing and charming," Kaidan replied as he ran his hand over the old book and flipped through the yellow pages. "This thing is ancient. When was it published?"

"2008."

"No way, this had to cost you a fortune, Shepard. I can't accept this."

"It's from my own personal collection. I've had it for years and honestly don't remember what it cost. It's one of my favorites so I wanted to share it with you."

"I'm touched…thank you." Kaidan ran his fingers over the hardback's embossed title, _The Hunger Games._"What's it about?"

"It's a post-apocalyptic…"

Kaidan burst out laughing.

"What?" She asked slightly irritated, slightly amused.

"I just find your fascination with old books and classic movies that center around the end of the world ironic."

"I thought you said it was charming and endearing."

"Oh it is in an ironic kind of way. Why do you find that topic so interesting?"

She paused for a long time before she replied. "I find it comforting that generations before us had the same fears and concerns regarding their own extinction. These books and movies were their way of coming to terms with those fears. I also find hope in it…they fought and overcame, Earth wasn't destroyed, and their families were saved and lived."

"You do realize these aren't documentaries, they are make-believe," Kaidan stated dryly.

Shepard teasingly punched him in the arm; Kaidan grabbed his bicep as he cried out. She lunged forward, she placed her hand where she had hit him and tenderly caressed. "Oh Kaidan, I'm so sorry. I didn't…"

Her voice trailed off as she looked up into his grinning face. Her eyes narrowed as she took her seat again. "You'll pay for that Alenko."

"I'm looking forward to it." He hesitated then plunged forward while he still had his nerve. "Teghan, are we okay…I mean after Horizon and Mars…we're good."

"We've been through hell together; we've had each other's backs. Those kinds of experiences bond people together. We will always hold a special place in each other's lives."

What the hell did that mean? It was like she was pulling a page out of the Drell's notebook.

"You're right, we have been through alot together…and there has also been a lot that we haven't been through together…Teg, I'm so sorry about the things that I said to you Horizon and on Mars. I handled the whole situation badly. I-I may have been wrong about Cerberus…but I know I was wrong about you. Can you ever forgive me for doubting you?"

She smiled warmly at him and took his hand in hers. "Yes, it's over and in the past so let's just put it behind us so we can move forward."

He squeezed her hand, she looked up at him with those piercing green eyes and his heart melted. "Teghan…I need you to know that for me…there isn't anyone else. It's you I want to move forward with."

She pulled her hands out of his grasp and sat back in her chair. "Kaidan…"

His heart sank, but he quickly went on. "I understand if there is someone else. It's been a long time, but with everything that is going on I needed you to know that I still care about you, Teg…I always will…Do you still care about me?"

There was a long pause…it felt like an eternity as he waited for her reply. "Yes…I will always care about you…but sometimes that isn't enough."

"Is there someone else?"

There was another long pause then she finally replied, "No…not really."

"Then can we be friends and see where that leads…if anywhere?"

She smiled at him. "We will always be friends, Kaidan."

"And the other?"

"I-I don't know. We have caused each other a lot of pain…maybe too much."

Kaidan felt his heart break. He knew he had screwed things up, but he had hoped. "I understand," he said as he laid his head back against his pillow.

"Kaidan?"

He looked over at her and there was slight smile on her face. "You know, the nice thing about being friends is that you never know where that path will lead."

She had definitely been spending too much time with the Drell, but he returned her smile and hope remained. "That's very true."

She stood, paused then walked over to him, leaned down and kissed his cheek. "I'll let you get some rest."

"Thank you for coming by, Shepard and thank you for the book."

"Take care, Kaidan."

He watched her walk away and as the hospital door closed behind her he tried to reassure himself that she had left the door to her heart cracked. Maybe it wasn't wide open, but she had left room for the possibility of something more.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - OMG! I'm so excited that I have reviews! And they're wonderful! Thank you! I was nervous with this being my first Mass Effect story so your support made my day. **

***I also want to thank everyone that added this story to their alert and favs list. The response brought a smile to my face.**


	3. Chapter 3 Simply Irresistible

**Chapter 3 – Simply Irresistible**

"How can it be permissible, she compromised my principal, yeah yeah

That kind of love is mythical, she's anything but typical

She's a craze you'd endorse, she's a powerful force

You're obliged to conform when there's no other course

She used to look good to me, but now I find her, simply irresistible

Her loving is so powerful, huh, it's simply unavoidable

The trend is irreversible, the woman is invincible

She's a natural law, and she leaves me in awe

She deserves the applause, I surrender because

She used to look good to me, but now I find her, simply irresistible"

_Simply Irresistible by Robert Palmer_

The plan had been to head to the Citadel after rescuing Eve before returning to Tuchanka, but Specialist Traynor had intercepted a suspicious signal from Grissom Academy. James had been shocked and impressed when the tattooed, mohawk sporting biotic sucker-punched Shepard and even more stunned when the Commander didn't return the favor. He had to give Shepherd credit; she definitely traveled with a colorful crew.

After rescuing the students, they were finally making their way to the Citadel. James sat in the crew lounge with Garrus, Wrex and Jack drinking whiskey and playing cards. In a more relaxing atmosphere, he was able to get a better feel for the ex-convict. Jack was crass, vulgar, most definitely insane and hilarious.

"What a bunch of pansies, grow some balls and try to drink like men. Even Shepard could do better than this, "Jack growled.

"Don't start that again! Besides, I heard Dr. Chakwas say that Shepard can match any Krogan, shot for shot," Garrus replied.

"It's true; she kicked my ass quite a few times! Must be that Irish blood she is always bragging about…whatever that means," Wrex declared.

"And you definitely don't want to play poker with her. The woman never loses," Garrus grunted.

"Ain't that the damn truth. I learned that the hard way," James stated.

"Oh yeah, how much did she take you for Big Boy?" Jack asked.

"Three thousand credits and the shirt off my back," James replied.

Jack eyed his sculpted chest. "Smart girl."

"I think she cheats," Wrex grumbled.

"Now, if she could only learn to dance as well as she fights or plays cards," Garrus mused.

"Krogans have better dance moves than she does," Wrex stated.

"She can't be that bad," James said.

Everyone at the table burst out laughing. "S-shepard is lethal alright…especially if you're beside her on the dance floor," Jack stuttered between fits of laughter.

"You might not want to test that theory... Or mention her lethality when dancing beside her," Garrus advised.

"That is if you want to keep all of your limbs," Wrex warned.

"And your ass," Garrus added.

"And your teeth," Wrex stated.

"What does my ass have to do with my teeth?" Jack asked.

"Well, she will stick her foot so far up your ass she will be able to kick out your teeth," Garrus chuckled.

"I'd like to see her try," Jack grunted and they all laughed.

"Just for fun, we should ask her to do that wiggle thing of hers sometime. It's hilarious, and even worth losing your ass and your teeth over," Jack added.

"I wouldn't mind seeing her wiggle," James muttered.

Garrus cocked his head at him. "So it would seem that the FNG as a crush on the Commander."

"Hell no, hombre, but I can never say no to a woman with a great body whose shaking all that the good Lord gave her," James declared.

"Any hot blooded male would be crazy to pass that up," Garrus agreed.

"Or woman for that matter!" Jack added.

"So what's the deal with the Commander and Kaidan?" James asked, completely silencing the table. "Aaah, sooo bad question?"

"That is a long story, that not even a Krogan has enough guts to tell it! I want to live long enough to impregnate a few females, not die because of your stupid curiosity," Wrex grunted.

More shots of whiskey were poured as the banter continued and James made a silent promise to himself to address this dancing situation with Shepard; a woman as good looking as the Commander needed to know how to dance and he was just the man to school her.

_**xxXxx**_

When they had arrived on the Citadel Shepard had immediately headed for the hospital and that very thought made James need a drink so he headed straight for the bar. An hour later, he watched when she walked in, she looked tense and he wondered if it had anything to do with her visit with the Major. He studied her as she shifted her mask into place and the 'cool and collected' Commander made her way over to the VIP section.

Another round of drinks had just arrived from the marines that were in awe that he knew the great Commander Shepard. They too had seen her walk into the club and had stopped dead in their tracks as they watched her make her way over to the Asari; every movement she made conveyed power, control and confidence and they acted as if they were watching a superhero walk through the club. He honestly couldn't say he blamed them. When he had met her six months ago he too had a bad case of hero worship, but once he got to know her he realized she wasn't much more different than him…at her core she was soldier fighting passionately for what she believed in.

When she had concluded her business with the Asari she made her way over to him at the bar. "Commander, it's good to see you down here with the rest of us grunts."

Shepard cocked an eyebrow at him and grinned at him. "You think I don't like getting dirty."

James chuckled. "Aaah, we are still talking about dirt, right?"

"You tell me. What did you mean?"

"See those marines over there. None of them are officers just soldiers fighting the war."

Shepard looked over at the rowdy crew. "Yeah."

"They have been buying me drinks all night, you know why?"

Shepard shook her head. "Same reason they got all quiet and serious when you walked in," he stated.

"You don't seem intimidated by me in the least."

"Well, I've seen you in action and don't get me wrong you're good, probably one of the best."

"Probably?" Shepard said incredulously.

James laughed. "Yeah, probably…And thank the good Lord, you fill out a uniform like nobody's business, but I know you're human just like me."

"But not to them…they think I'm immune to bullets?"

"Nope. To them watching you walk in here was like watching their favorite Superhero come to life. Hell, I remember the day that they made you the first human Spectre. I watched it on the vids just like all of them, but to them you're still larger than life."

"You should know me better than that by now, James. I'm just a soldier like them."

"I know that because I know you, I've fought by your side, but if you want them to see you as something other than this legend, then by them around."

She smiled at him. "I like the way you think, James."

He grinned back at her. "Oh, if you could only read my thoughts, Shepard."

He then turned towards the marines. "Amigos, the Commander would like you to have a drink on her."

When the shots came around James lifted his glass, "So here's to us…"

"Who's like us," one of the marines grunted as he saluted.

"Damn few and they're all dead," Shepard replied as she saluted back then threw back the shot of whiskey. James had to suppress his grin as two of the marines made their way over to them.

"It's an honor meeting you, Commander," the one soldier said.

"Thanks, but we are all in this together. We all have a part to play."

"True enough, cheers!" The other marine said.

"Cheers!"

"Not bad, Shepard, you never cease to amaze me," James replied.

"Oh, so now I went from being one of the boys to amazing you," Shepard said skeptically.

Before James could stop himself his eyes roamed up and down her body then he leaned into her and whispered, "Lola, no one could ever mistake you for one of the boys."

She tilted her head toward him; her warm breath washing over him sending a tremor of desire through his body as she sighed into his ear, "Really? How so?"

He didn't know if it was his pent-up hunger for her, the pounding music or the incredible way she looked, but he grabbed her hand and led her towards the dance floor. "I'll show you. Let's dance," he growled.

He felt her hesitate and he looked over his shoulder at her. "I-I'm not that good of a dancer," she replied and there was that hint of vulnerability in her eyes that drove him mad with desire for her.

"You just haven't had the right partner," James said as he led her onto the dance floor.

The song changed, the tempo slowed down to a sultry, pounding beat. James pulled her into his arms, he rested his one hand on her lower back, and pulled her flush against his body while he clasped the other hand to hers.

"Lola, dancing is just a conversation between two people's bodies and right now I want to hear your body talk to mine," James purred in her ear as he began to sway with her in time to the slow driving beat. They were pressed close together, he could feel all the contours of her body as heat radiated off both of them as they moved together in time with the rhythm of the song.

The music grew louder, the drums pounding an erotic beat as the singer's sexy voice began to sing.

"You are my angel, come from way above, to bring me love  
>Her eyes, she's on the dark side, neutralize, every man in sight"<p>

James felt her body relax against his as she surrendered to his lead, allowing him to move her around the dance floor. She felt exquisite in his arms; her supple body pressed against his sent a roaring hunger through him. He spun her out, away from him, and as he pulled her back in he twisted his arm so that she was now dancing against him with her back pressed to his chest. His big arms wrap around her tiny waist, and they sway back and forth together in time with the music. She threw her dark, long tresses over her shoulder. The scent of her inundated him as he breathed in vanilla, citrus and spices, the smell of her making him dizzy. He was playing with fire and he knew it, but like a moth drawn to the flame he couldn't stop himself.

"To love you, love you, love you ...you are my angel  
>Come from way above, to love you, love you, love you"<p>

Feeling the rhythm of the beat, lost in the music, her hand reached up behind her and she slipped her fingers around his neck pulling him closer to her. She felt incredible; her ass rubbed so tantalizing against him and he was hard in an instant. He grinded his hips against her as he grit teeth to stop himself from spinning her around and kissing her; instead he held her tighter, running his hand down her side and danced against her so that he was sure she felt it…felt him and his need for her. He had never wanted a woman more than he wanted her. She was irresistible.

The song ended and the tempo of the next song picked back up breaking the spell between them. She pulled away from him and he immediately missed the warmth and comfort of her body. She turned to face him, her eyes dark with the same desire that he knew was echoed in his. James desperately wanted to pull her back into his arms, but she stepped away from him before he had the chance to do so.

She smiled up at him as she tenderly caressed his arm, "Thanks for the dance lesson, James."

His body was screaming for him not to let her go, not to let her walk away from him, but his head...the right one replied, "Anytime, Lola."

_**xxXxx**_

James stood outside her cabin door hesitant to knock, to let his presence be known. He was here uninvited, unexpected, but she was grieving and no one should grieve the loss of a friend alone. He took a deep breath and knocked.

"What?" a disgruntled voice came from the other side.

"Lola…I wanted to check on you…I brought a bottle of Patron…some lemons and salt…please Lola, you really shouldn't be…"

The door opened and she gave him a slight smile. "You had me at Patron. Where did you get a bottle of that out here?"

He grinned back at her as he walked into her cabin. "Back on Earth, I didn't have a lot of time to pack before I had to report to the Normandy, but I sure as hell wasn't leaving a bottle of my favorite tequila behind for the Reapers."

"You know Lieutenant, it's rather ballsy to come to the Commander's cabin without an invitation."

"I've been told I have a rather large pair," James said with smirk.

"I'll have to take your word on that."

Shepard walked over to a cabinet against the wall and retrieved two shot glasses. As she set them down on the table he noticed the N7 etching on them. He grinned up at her. "I heard it's harder to earn these shot glasses then it is to earn N7 status."

"You only get your reward if you're the last one standing," Shepard replied.

"So you were the last one standing twice?"

"Yep."

"How many times did it take you to earn these two?"

"Twice."

James laughed. "So should I be concerned that you are going to get me drunk, Lola and have your way with me?"

"Do I need to get you drunk to take advantage of you, James?" The way she purred his name sent fire roaring through his veins.

"Are you flirting with me, Lola?"

"If you have to ask, you haven't had enough practice," she replied as she sat down beside him and poured two shots.

James turned towards her and took a glass. "I didn't know Mordin for very long, but the Salarian was dedicated to curing an injustice that has plagued an entire race for centuries. He believed so fiercely in his cause that he willing sacrificed himself to achieve his goal. When it is my time to go that is how I want to die…fighting for something I am willing to die for. Here's to Mordin."

"Here's to Mordin," Shepard replied as she licked the spot of skin between her thumb and index finger. Sweet baby Jesus in a manager, her tongue looked so soft…so silky. He had to recite all the different types of weapons he knew to stop his mind from picturing what else she could do with her tongue and imagine her doing it to him.

He followed her lead, licked his skin, sprinkle the salt then licked the salt, drank the shot and sucked on the lemon.

"Mmmm," she moaned. "That was very good."

She reached over and poured them another. "Here's to kicking some Reaper ass."

"Amen to that, Lola" James replied as the two of them repeated the process.

She stood up and he really hoped she wasn't going to tell him to leave. "I was about to hop in the shower before you arrived. Make yourself at home while I wash this grim off. On the vid player I have an assortment of movies. See if you can find one you like."

He watched as she sauntered over to her bathroom. "Aaah, let me know if you need any help cleaning those hard to reach places."

"I think I'll be fine. I've managed on my own all these years," she said as she closed the door.

James heard the shower start running, he imaged her slipping out of her clothes, her naked body under the water, droplets hanging off of her pert breasts…Fuck! He adjusted himself and decided to distract his mind with something that wouldn't led to him pushing Shepard against the shower stall wall and having his way with her. He grabbed the vid pad, turned on the screen and began scanning through her movie selection. A huge grin spread across his lips when he realized that she had a very impressive selection of classic post-apocalyptic, disaster and war movies.

When he heard the water stop he yelled, "This is quite a selection you have here of old disaster films…someone might even say it borders on obsessive."

She opened the door and stuck her head out. "If you're going to give me shit about my taste in movies, you can leave right now, James."

He laughed, "No, I love all of these."

She pulled her head back but left the door cracked so that he could hear her. "Oh yeah, which movies do you like?" She asked skeptically.

"Well, I think I've watched _Platoon _at least a hundred times."

He cleared his voices so that he could give his best Junior impression. "Yeah, but don't you worry Bunny, 'cos you're a killer, man."

Shepard poked her head around the door, smiled as she said imitated the redneck Bunny, "Yeah, but I still like a piece of pussy once in awhile. Ain't nothing like a piece of pussy, except maybe the Indy 500."

James couldn't help but laugh at her easiness with the vulgar dialogue. He grinned at her as he repeated the last line. "The only way you get some pussy man, is if a bitch dies and wills it to you. And then, maybe!"

He heard her infectious laugh reverberate off of the bathroom walls. "Great line! What else do you like?" She asked.

"Well, I would like you...up against the shower stall, on the couch, pressed against the fish tank, maybe on your desk and most definitely on your bed," he thought.

What he said was, "Hmm, let's see _Mad Max _is good, but _Thunderdome _sucked."

"Agreed."

"_Deep Impact, Planet of the Apes, I Am Legend_were all excellent." He scrolled down further "Oh...now here is one of my favorites."

She walked out of the bathroom, wearing a tight fitting white tee shirt and tight fitting workout pants that hugged everyone of her tantalizing curves. James swallowed hard as she strolled over to him and sat down beside him. The scent of vanilla, citrus and spices drifted over and all he wanted to do was bury his head in her neck and breathe her in deeply.

"Which one?"

"Independence Day," James replied.

She smiled at him. "That's one of my favorites too."

"One of the best speeches ever given on film was in that movie."

"I completely agree. I want to steal that line and use it right before a big fight."

Shepard stood as if she were addressing her troops. "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today is our Independance Day!"

Then she gulped down another shot of tequila.

"I think the President doing a shot of Parton ended up on the cutting room floor," James chuckled.

"Well, they should have left that one in. It would have made him seem more like one of the common people."

James loaded the movie and she sat down beside him. They didn't even make it to the part where the White House was blown up before Shepard's head was in his lap and she was completely passed out. He tenderly stroked her silky tresses before tucking a loose strain behind her ear. It had been along physically and emotionally grueling day for her, but that wasn't going to stop him from giving her a rash of shit for passing out after just three shots of tequila.

When the movie ended, he slid her head off of his thigh, stood up then scooped her into his arms and carried her over to her bed. He laid her on top and pulled the blanket at the bottom over top of her.

"James," she purred sleepily as she looked up at him through half hooded eyelids.

He knelt down beside her. "Yes."

She reached for him, gently cupping his face in the palm of her hand. His heart was thundering as he looked into her beautiful face. "Thank you…You made what would have been a very difficult night more than bearable."

James could no longer resist her, his yearning becoming more than he could take. He entwined his fingers in her hair as he leaned down with his lips only inches from hers he whispered, "It was my pleasure."

He hesitated for a moment, giving her the chance to pull away, when she didn't he closed the distance between them, his mouth delicately brushed against hers, giving her another chance to resist him. He prayed that she didn't push him away because that slight contact with her soft lips had his body trembling with need for her and it took every ounce of control he had not to shove his tongue into her mouth. When she offered no resistance his mouth fully captured hers, his tongue slid past her honeyed lips into her warm, velvety mouth. She tasted like tequila mixed with something sweet and rich like dark chocolate and he drank her in.

He leaned further into her, his chest skimming her pert breasts, she arched into him forcing guttural groan to tear from his throat. Damn he wanted her, he wanted to take her and taste every delicious inch of her, but he knew that she had an emotionally hard day. He shouldn't push her, shouldn't take advantage. However, his body, mainly his now throbbing cock, was reminding him that he was as close to being a good guy as a reaper was to winning a Humanitarian of the Year award.

Every thought of being noble went out the window when her fingers slipped around the base of his neck, pulling him down closer to her, deepening the kiss. With each foray of her tongue, she tasted and caressed him so provocatively he thought he might lose his mind.

"Commander," Edi's voice came over the intercom.

Shepard went perfectly still as James let out a moan of frustration.

"Commander Shepard," Edi repeated.

"This better be fucking really important," Shepard groaned.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Commander. I know it was a long day down on Tuchanka, but the Salarian Ambassador is on the vid con. She says it's an emergency."

"Tell her I will be with her in a few minutes," Shepard replied back.

"Yes Commander."

James looked down at her swollen lips, her flushed face and the last thing he wanted to do was let her leave this room, but he sat back on his heels giving her room to get up.

She scooted to the edge of the bed, leaned down and kissed his forehead. "Thanks again for showing a girl a good time."

"Hardly, we had barely gotten started."

"I meant earlier in the night. It was nice not being alone tonight, having someone to share the evening with," she smiled warily at him, showing just briefly that vulnerability that made his cock jump against his restraining pants.

He realized for the first time how lonely at times it must be for her. With the fate of the galaxy resting on her shoulders, she always needed to be strong, always the confident leader, but whenever she let her guard slip and she allowed him to see her doubts and fears every instinct in his body roared to life with an unexplainable need to protect her.

He took her hand in his, turned it over and pressed his lips against her tender palm. He took satisfaction as he watched a tremor pass through her. "As I said earlier, it was my pleasure and I am here anytime you need me to show you a good time."

She smiled at him and he could tell she was reluctant to leave, but she finally removed her hand from his, stood up and headed for her closet. "Duty calls…I guess I'm going to take a rain check on that then."

She quickly threw on an of Alliance jacket, zipped it up and headed for the door. He watched her walk out the door and he wondered if duty would always stand in between them.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - The song that Shepard and James danced to was Angel by Massive Attack.**

***FNG - Fucking new guy**

***A huge thank you to the spankalicious Mistress Vo for making it seem as if I have mastered commas, colons, semicolons and spellchecker. Mawhahahaha, we have them all fooled. The fact that I haven't is our little secret. I appreciate all that you do for me, my friend.**


	4. Chapter 4 She

**Chapter 4 – She**

"She, who always seems so happy in a crowd whose eyes can be so private and so proud

No one's allowed to see them when they cry, she may be the love that cannot hope to last

May come to me from shadows of the past that I'll remember till the day I die

She may be the reason I survive, the why and wherefore I'm alive

The one I'll care for through the rough and ready years

Me, I'll take her laughter and her tears and make them all my souvenirs

For where she goes I've got to be, the meaning of my life is, She"

_She by Elvis Costello_

Kaidan was staring down the barrel of gun that was being held by Shepard…his Shepard. She had drawn her weapon on him as if he were the enemy…her enemy. There was a time when they had worked so closely together that they could read each other completely. Now as he stared into her hardened face she was unreadable and very distant.

"Shepard, what's going on?" Kaidan asked.

"Shepard is blocking our exit. She has be the mole that is working for Cerberus," Udina stated.

"Everyone calm down. I have this under control," Kaidan stated.

"Kaidan, I can explain this," she replied rationally.

"Shepard, pulling a gun on a Counselor… you have to know how bad this looks."

Shepard lowered her weapon and spread out her arms to show that she wasn't the aggressor here. She looked over her shoulder and gave a silent order for Garrus and James to do the same. James was staring at him with fury in his eyes and he was reluctant to lower his weapon because Kaidan's was still trained on her. However, the soldier in him overcame his anger and he followed his Commander's order.

"Kaidan, I don't have time to negotiate. Udina is behind this attack. He is working with Cerberus. He has played all of you for fools. The Salarian counselor confirmed it," Shepard explained.

"Please! You have no proof. You never do," Counselor Udina said as he strolled forward.

Kaidan kept his gun aimed at Shepard as he quickly tried to process the information. He knew Shepard, he could tell that she truly believed the intel she was given, she believed that Udina was working for Cerberus. Then the quick thought flickered through his head, 'What if she is working for Cerberus and wants you to believe Udina is the mole?' He immediately rejected the idea. He had to trust her. He looked into her eyes and saw the woman he loved looking back at him.

"There are Cerberus soldiers in the elevator behind us. If you open that door they will kill you all," Shepard retorted.

"We have mistrusted Shepard before and it did not help us," the Asari counselor said.

"We don't have time to debate this. We are dead if we stay out here. I'm overriding the lock," Udina said as he made his way over to the console.

"I better not regret this," Kaidan said as he spun to face the counselor.

"You won't," Shepard replied.

"Udina, step away from the console," Kaidan ordered.

The Asari Counselor rushed Udina, but he pushed her away, knocking her to the ground and drew gun a on her. "He's got a gun," Kaidan warned as he raised his weapon taking aim at the Counselor.

He heard the shot from behind him and then watched the counselor collapse to the floor. She had shot the man…Kaidan knew she didn't have much choice, but she hadn't hesitated for even a moment.

When Captain Bailey exited the elevator he confirmed everything that Shepard had said and informed the remaining counselors that they once again owed their lives to the Commander. Her actions had been noble and honorable, just like woman that had left him two years ago and more than anything he wanted to serve beside her again.

Kaidan leaned against the glass in the Normandy's docking tunnel waiting for Shepard to return. There were a million different things he wanted to say to her and they all went out his head the moment the doors slid open and she walked in. He had never been this nervous around her before, things between them had always been so easy, never forced, but now there was this underlying tension that was driving him mad.

"Kaidan. Hey, I wondered where you went. What's up?" Shepard said casually as she walked up to him. How could she be so nonchalant? She acted like it was an everyday occurrence to point your gun at the man that you once claimed to love.

"I am trying to figure out what just happened."

"You sound upset."

"Well, it's not everyday you stare down the barrel of a gun being held by someone you love. It happened so damn fast…it's confusing," Kaidan stated.

"Talk to me, Kaidan," she said.

"If I hadn't backed down first, I feel like you would have taken me out," Kaidan replied, trying to hold back the defensive tone.

She smiled at him. "Well, then you don't want to play poker against me anytime soon."

He laughed. "Oh, don't worry, I haven't forgotten that lesson."

"Look, I trusted you Kaidan. A lot of information was being thrown at you from all sides, but I knew you would come around. The important thing is that we stopped the coup and got Cerberus off the Citadel."

"Sometimes the way a thing goes down does matter, Shepard; later when you have time to reflect and think about it, knowing that you acted with integrity…then it matters."

"You're talking about Udina."

Kaidan nodded.

"He was out of control. I couldn't take the chance of him harming one of the other Counselors. He gave me no choice, so I took the shot. Having the intel that I had, any soldier would have done the same, including you."

He looked into her eyes and saw the woman that he had started out with all those years ago looking back at him, begging him to believe in her, to trust her. "Okay…I guess you're right…Look Shepard, there is another reason I'm here. Hackett offered me a position, but I would turn it down in heartbeat if there was a chance to join you on the Normandy again."

"This whole thing started with you at my side, Kaidan. I couldn't imagine meeting the Reapers without you."

"Thank you, Commander." He wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her that he still loved her, but he just extended his hand. She took his olive branch offer and shook.

"Shepard, I need you to know that I will never doubt you again."

"Good to know. Welcome aboard, Major."

He saluted her. "Aye, aye, ma'am."

He turned and headed for the boarding door. He could feel her eyes on him. "Shepard, are you looking at my ass?"

He glanced over his shoulder and grinned when he saw the blush on her cheeks.

As he entered the Command Center, Liara hugged him and welcomed him back. He looked over at Lieutenant Vega who was staring at him with a malicious glare. Kaidan was taken aback by the soldier's demeanor. The two of them had always gotten along when they had served together at the Alliance Council on Earth.

However, the marine's expression softened when Shepard entered behind him, there was tenderness on the man's face as he watched Shepard greet and speak with members of her crew. Aaah, so that was the issue, the Lieutenant had feelings for his Commanding Officer, but the man's attitude toward him also made Kaidan wonder just how much Vega knew about his relationship with Shepard.

The real question was, did she return the Lieutenant's feelings? Was Vega her, 'No…not really' when he had asked if there was someone else in her life. It certainly wouldn't be the first time that she had become involved with a subordinate, now would it. Not to mention, the six months that Vega had been her personal bodyguard when she had been stripped of her Command and there wasn't those pesky regulations standing in their way.

Seeing the way he was looking at her, the scene that he had witnessed earlier in the day made more sense. He had been in the Bartarian section of the Citadel's holding bay following up on a rumor he had heard about a Bartarian having a serious grudge against Shepard when she walked in. He had stepped back into a corner and watched as she walked over to one of the stalls. She started talking with Vega who apparently was having a tattoo done. Kaidan had been so focused that he hadn't even seen the marine in there.

_"Commander, what brings you down here?"_

_"I was about to ask you that, James."_

_"Well, after our little chat, I made up my mind; I'm going to join the N7 program."_

_"And you're celebrating with a new tattoo…you party animal."_

_"Well, if you hadn't drunk all of my tequila…"_

_"Nice try, but I only had three shots. If that bottle is gone I had nothing to do with it and I'm not replacing it," Shepard replied._

_He grinned then winked at her. "I'm still waiting for you show me this Irish blood you brag about. Three shots is pretty weak, Lola."_

_"You doubt my ability to drink…Just you wait, Vega, you will regret that statement."_

_"Now you're just teasing me."_

_"Don't make it so easy then."_

_Vega laughed. "I'll keep that in mind. Anyways, since there aren't any official channels to go through right now, this is my way of making it official. Technically, I'm just an N7 recruit, but with you as my training officer how can I fail?"_

_"I'm not actually training you."_

_"Well, I can't think of better training than in beginning in a war, fighting beside Commander Shepard. Sooo maybe we should get matching tattoos."_

_"How do you know I don't already have one?"_

_Kaidan had watched as Vega's eyes roamed over her body. He wanted to sucker punch the son of a bitch._

_He cocked an eyebrow. "So, do you?"_

_"Maybe, maybe not...you'll never know," she said teasingly._

_Kaidan knew that she didn't…at least two years ago she hadn't. When they had been together he had completely explored every sweet, delicious inch of her body and she did not have one then._

_"Never say never, Lola. I'm always up for the challenge."_

_"Are you ever going to follow through with all this flirting, James, or are you just a tease with no follow through?"_

_Vega had turned a deep red as he began to stammer._

_Shepard laughed. "That's what I thought. You're all verga and no __cojones__."_

_Vega's eyes went wide then he_ _burst out laughing as he watched her walk away and muttered. "What a woman."_

_Kaidan couldn't help, but smile. "Vega, you have no idea," he thought._

Kaidan had just chalked up the whole thing as Shepard's typical flirtatious nature. He had seen her do it dozens of times. It never meant anything…until it eventually did…as it had with them.

Shepard walked by them she nodded as she headed for the war room, but her face was as impassive as ever, her mask securely in place. Kaidan watched her go by and felt the hard stare of the Lieutenant return to him. He ignored it as Specialist Traynor said she would show him to his room in the officer's quarters.

Once he had settled in, he checked his emails and saw a message from Dr. Michel. She had written him to let him that Thane had succumb to the injuries that he had received during the battle on the Citadel and his disease. She went on to let him know that Commander Shepard had been there when he had died and had helped ease the Drell's passing.

Kaidan rested his head in his hands and shook his head. Shepard had helped him come to terms with what had happened early today, never once letting on that she had lost someone close to her, someone she cared about.

He pressed the intercom for EDI. "Yes, Major Alenko, how can I assist you?"

"When Thane Krios was staying on the Normandy, where was his room?"

"Thane spent most of his time in the Life Support Control Room."

"Thank you, EDI."

"You're welcome, Major and might I add that I am glad to have you back on board."

"_Glad_might be a bit of an over exaggeration," Joker added.

"Thanks for the warm welcome, Joker."

"Anytime, Major."

Kaidan entered the Life Support room and saw Shepard with her head pressed against the glass, watching the stars fly by.

"I thought I might find you here. I'm sorry to hear about Thane."

She looked up at him in surprise and he smiled warmly at her. "When I was in the hospital I met him, we spent a lot of time talking, I liked him. He was very loyal to you, Shepard. He cared about you deeply."

"I cared about him too."

"Were the two of you…" Kaidan let the sentence hang in the air not really wanting to finish it.

She looked up at him and smiled sadly. "No, we weren't involved; just good friends. For being an assassin, Thane had a very philosophical approach to life. He tried to give me guidance at a time in my life when I was very confused."

"Because of Cerberus?"

"Not just because of them…coming back from the dead isn't as easy as you would think," she stated flippantly.

"Yay, just ask Jesus," Kaidan replied dryly.

"Funny you should say that. The operation code name for me was Project Lazarus…Kaidan, what I'm trying to explain is that it was two years for you…it was like two weeks for me. One minute I'm trying to get Joker off a ship that is going down and the next minute I'm waking up on a steel table in a lab in the middle of a merc fight. For me, time had stood still, but life for everyone had gone on…It was hard and painful…Thane helped me put things into perspective."

"I'm glad he was there for you," Kaidan replied shameful of his treatment of her during that painful time in her life. He looked at her for a long moment and instinctively knew there was something else bothering her.

"What else is troubling you," Kaidan asked.

She looked at him and he could see her doubt and hesitation there. He had given her every reason not to trust him and he was the only one that could build that trust back up.

"Once upon a time," he paused and she smiled at the storybook reference. "We were good friends; we talked about everything and confided in each other. I know a lot has happened, but I am still your friend and you can talk to me about anything, Teg."

She let out a long sigh as she leaned back against the window. "Do you remember that little boy on earth that got into that shuttle at the last minute?"

Kaidan nodded as he remembered the pain that had shot through his heart when he had watched the Reaper blast in from the sky.

"I dream about that boy every night. I chase him through this forest, trying to reach him, trying to save him…each night in this dream, shadows from the people that I have failed join him, calling out my name. Mordin and Thane will now join those shadows, calling out to me, reminding me of how I didn't save them."

Kaidan's heart broke for her as the weight of the burden she was carrying truly registered. He pulled her into his arms, she tensed at first, but he refused to let her go. Slowly she relaxed into his embrace.

"Teghan, you can't blame yourself for their deaths. From the reports that I read, Mordin made the choice to sacrifice himself to cure the genophage and Thane was dying before you even met him. You didn't fail them, if anything you helped them succeed in their last wishes."

He pulled away from her, tucked a loose hair behind her ear and cupped her face in the palm of his hands, "Unfortunately, before this war is over, a lot of good men and women are going to die. Some the direct result of decisions you make, but I know you Shepard, you always follow your heart and you always do what is right. Don't start second guessing yourself now. You're the best hope humanity has to win this war."

She looked up at him, for the first time ever he saw tears in her eyes and a vulnerability there that he had never seen before. It pissed him off. He wasn't mad at her, but at all the circumstance that had led to the uncertainty he saw there, himself included on that list. It made him all the more determined to remind her of who she was and all that she could and would accomplish. He leaned down, needing to feel her lips against his, wanting to give her comfort, but before his mouth could claim hers the door to the control room opened.

"Oh…sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," Vega said sarcastically from behind them.

Shepard pulled out of his embrace and quickly wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I'm sure you are," Kaidan said dryly.

The marine just glared at him. "Commander, I just heard that Thane died and I wanted to make sure that you were okay."

"Oh, how did you hear about that?" Kaidan asked skeptically.

Answering his question, but replying to Shepard he said, "Joker, he thought you might need a friend and recommended that I look here for you. I brought the Patron to toast his memory."

Well, now Kaidan knew whose side Joker was on.

Shepard smiled at the obvious reference to something that the two had shared. "I will give the two of you some time alone," Kaidan said as he started to back away.

"No…please stay. You knew him too, you should toast his memory with us," Shepard said and Kaidan watched as the Lieutenant's brow furrowed with displeasure.

"Well, I only brought two shot glasses," Vega replied.

"That's okay, I can drink from the bottle," Kaidan said with a satisfactory smirk. He had rejoined the Normandy because of her and he sure as hell wasn't going to let some smooth talking, muscle bound jarhead sweep his Shepard off her feet without putting up one hell of a fight.

"You want her, Vega. Come and get her, but you will have to come through me first," Kaidan vowed to himself.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – Wow! The response to this story has been awesome. Thank you to everyone that has added this story to their alert and favs list. I also want to thank everyone that took the time to review. I love hearing your thoughts and I hope that you will continue to share them with me.**

***A big shout out to my beta peeps, the dynamic duo, Jinx1983 and Mistres Vo, for their fanfrickentabulous beta-ing skill. You ladies are the best! Thank you for all of your help, advise, support and most of all your friendship. **


	5. Chapter 5 Make You Feel My Love

**Chapter 5 – Make You Feel My Love**

"When the evening shadows and the stars appear, and there is no one there to dry your tears,

I could hold you for a million years, to make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet, but I would never do you wrong.

I've known it from the moment that we met, no doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue, I'd go crawling down the avenue.

No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do, to make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea and on the highway of regret.

Though winds of change are blowing wild and free, you ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true; nothing that I wouldn't do.

Go to the ends of the Earth for you, to make you feel my love"

_Make You Feel My Love by Adele_

They had made several toasts to Thane and his memory before the tension between the two men that were obviously competing for her attention became too much and Shepard excused herself, claiming she wasn't feeling well. Once she had left, they just stood there for a long moment staring at each other. Alenko was the first to make a move.

"Do you have something you need to say, Lieutenant?"

"Nice job, pendejo, throwing rank into this little party," James thought.

"Not at all, _Major,_" James replied.

"Well, then let me go first. I'm not sure what your problem is with me, but you need to get over it. We have a long fight ahead of us. There will be times you and I are going to be forced to work and fight together. There is no place on the battlefield for petty jealousies. I need to know that you have my back just as you need to be able to trust that I have yours."

Well, that's just what he needed, for Alenko to be the voice of reason and pull the fucking honor card.

"Are you questioning my integrity, _Major_?"

"Not at all, _Lieutenant_! I just want to clear the air between us before we are placed in a life or death situation."

James stared at the man for a long time. "Why did you return to the Normandy?"

"That really isn't any of your damn business."

"Oh, and here I thought we were clearing the air," James replied sarcastically.

James watched as the Major's jaw tightened. "My reasons for returning to the Normandy are personal. My reasons for clearing the air with you are professional."

"Your reasons for returning wouldn't have anything to do with Shepard, now would they?" James asked.

Alenko took a step back and crossed his arms. "As I said, my reasons are none of your business."

"Can I speak freely, _Sir?"_

Kaidan nodded.

"I believe you are here because you want to try and salvage what little relationship you have left with the Commander, but where were you when she was incarcerated? Where were you when she was stripped of her Command and her ship? You had top clearance, you could have visited her anytime you wanted, but you didn't. You let her feel abandoned and discarded, just like you did on Horizon."

Shock rippled across the Major's face. "Yes, it took some digging, but I read the reports from Horizon. I read how you called her a traitor and how you walked away from her even after she begged you to join her. I don't know the details of your relationship with the Commander, but I'm assuming if you are here it's because you think you love her. Did you ever stop for one fucking minute, put her needs ahead of yours and think that returning to the Normandy might not be what is best for her?"

Alenko tightened his jaw and glared at him as he growled. "Don't _**ever**_ presume to know me, my intentions or my feelings for Shepard. There are things that Shepard and I have been through together that you don't have a fucking clue about. I'm here for her as a friend, as someone who cares about her, as someone who wants to give her the best chance possible at winning this fucking war…and yes as someone who loves her. So to answer your question, yes, I did think about what is best for her, and what will benefit her the most is to have the strongest and most elite fighting squad available to her. And like it or not, Vega, I'm a part of that equation."

"I don't like it!" James growled.

"Well that's just too damn bad," Alenko snarled as he walked out the door.

James breathed in deeply, trying to regain control of his emotions. He had been seeing red since the moment that he had walked in, saw Shepard in Alenko's arms and what looked like the bastard was about to kiss her. It was obvious that she had been crying and the son of a bitch was using her grief to press his advantage with her…James shook his head in frustration. As much as he wanted to lay all the blame at the Major's feet, he knew that there was more to it. The two of them had a history together and from the reports that he had read, they had seen each other through some crazy, fucked up shit. He knew first hand that those kinds of situations created strong bonds…one he didn't know if he could compete with.

He was such an idiot. He had witnessed the way she had clung to the injured Major on Mars, witnessed the raw emotions as she begged Alenko not to leave her. Did he honestly think he could compete with that? Did he even want to?

A loud roaring _**yes**_ bellowed in his head. He needed to see this through to the end. He wasn't about to throw in the towel just because his opponent had thrown a 1-2 punch that knocked him against the ropes.

_**xxXxx**_

James wasn't sure if Shepard had paired Alenko with them as punishment, to force some kind of mutual understanding or if it was her way of saying get the fuck over it if you want to be a part of my team. He had a feeling it was all three. As much as James didn't want to admit it, Alenko was an excellent fighter with superb biotics and the three of them worked well together as they cut a path through husks, ravager and rachni, trying to find the nest.

James had heard on more than one occasion Shepard recite her personal philosophy in regard to second chances, 'screw me once, shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me'. With that attitude in mind, when faced with the decision to save the Rachni Queen again, this time Shepard chose the Queen's destruction saving the life of her old crew mate, Grunt and his squad.

After a tough fight, the three of them slowly made their way out of the caves, Alenko taking point.

James' fatigued mind didn't immediately process the sound of rocks fracturing when Alenko started over the stone bridge, but when the rocks under his feet began to vibrate and crack, he knew they were in trouble.

"Run!" Shepard yelled from behind him. Alenko dove for the edge of the rim just as the stone beneath James' feet splintered, plunging him into the gorge below. His freefall was halted suddenly when his pack caught on a jagged rock, but he watched as Shepard plummeted past him and into the dark waters of the pond below. Horror washed over him as he watched the weight of her armor pull her unconscious body below the surface.

"Shepard!" He bellowed as he pulled his knife out of his pant leg and quickly cut the straps of his pack. Both he and the backpack crashed to the ground, his ankle twisting when he landed. Pain ripped through him, but he barely noticed as he stripped out of his armor and dove into the water after her. Mother freckin' hell, the water was frigid; it felt like thousands of pins pricking his skin as he dove down to her, the fading light of her armor guiding him to her. He wrapped his arm around her chest and under her arms then swam for the surface.

He could hear Kaidan yell for them from above. "I got her," he yelled as he checked for a pulse.

Fuck! Nothing. "Don't die, please, Lola, don't die on me."

He quickly undid her chest armor. Shit! She wasn't wearing a bra and her nipples pressed against the tight t-shirt she was wearing.

"Come on, pendejo, get your head out of your ass and concentrate on her," James muttered to himself as he tilted her head back, placed his palm in the center of her chest and counted out loud until he reached thirty compressions.

"What the hell is happening down there?" Alenko demanded.

James didn't have time to reply as he turned toward her head, pinched her nose, covered her mouth with his to create an airtight seal and blew two breaths into her. He watched as her chest rose then fell. Good, there was no obstruction. He went back to her chest and resumed compressions.

"Come on, Lola, fight!" He demanded as he pressed down on her chest again, repeating the process over and over again.

She began to cough; James turned her head to the side as water spewed out of her mouth. She looked up at him, a weak smile on her lips. "There are easier ways of getting me out of my clothes, James," she muttered.

He smiled at her, "I'll have to keep that in mind for future reference."

"What the fuck is happening?" Alenko demanded, panic setting into his voice.

"It's okay. She needed CPR, but she's back. Could do with a little rescuing though? That would be great if you could work on that," James replied dryly.

"Fucking smart ass," Alenko yelled back.

James chuckled as he turned back to her. He saw blood running down the side of her head and looked for the source. She had a deep laceration along her hairline.

"Hold on, Lola. I'll be right back," James said as he leapt to his feet and rushed over to where his armor and backpack were. He grabbed everything and headed back to her.

He tore two strips from the bottom of his t-shirt, he pressed the first against the gash as he wrapped the the second around her head to hold it in place. His face was only inches away from hers. He felt her cool breath against his cheek. He glanced down and noticed that her typically pink lips were now blue. He also saw that her body was beginning to shake.

"Lola, I need to get you out of these wet clothes and armor before hypothermia sets in," he said as he knelt down beside her. He undid the fastenings on the armor around her waist and he gently pulled it off and tossed it aside. Oh Christ on a crutch, she wore white cotton panties and he could see the perfect outline of that sweet, dark patch of hair between her thighs.

"Hey, Neanderthal, the woman is seriously injured. Stop being such a fucking perv," James reprimanded himself. "For now, it might be best to leave her panties on."

She was now trembling uncontrollably; he eased her into a sitting position, pulled her wet t-shirt off of her.

"Not going to look, not going to look," he said, over and over again as he grabbed his undershirt, pulled it over her head and eased her back down. She immediately curled into ball and continued to shake wildly.

"Hey, Vega," Alenko yelled from above.

"Alenko, we need to get her out of her ASAP! She is going into shock and has hypothermia," James yelled back.

"I figured as much. Grunt brought some blankets from camp. I'm lowering them down to you."

"How about you get us the fuck out of here?"

"I'm working on it, but there isn't any easy way to reach you. It may take a few hours, so you need to keep her as warm as possible until we can reach you. Do you have your weapon?"

"Yeah, but some extra clips would be nice," James replied.

"Will do," Alenko said.

A few minutes later, a bundle was lowered down to him. He grabbed it and quickly unwrapped it; there were three blankets, clips, a canteen of water and a couple of energy bars.

"Thanks, Major."

"See you soon," Alenko said and disappeared from view.

James limped back to her. Now that the adrenaline was wearing off, his ankle was throbbing like a bitch and he too was beginning to shake from the cold. He knew the best way to warm her was through direct skin contact. He stripped his t-shirt off of her then he laid down beside her, he wrapped the blankets around both of them, carefully tucking them under their feet. He pulled her against his chest so that their body cores were pressed against each other. He felt the chill of her skin against his chest and it frightened him. He tucked her head under his chin and kissed the top of her head. Her cool breath was blowing against his chest in short raspy breaths, reassuring him that she still lived. He fell asleep holding her tightly against him.

He was sure how long he had been asleep, but he woke up to the feel of her body shifting beside him. She felt warmer so that was definitely an improvement. She shifted and rolled away from him, the blanket slipping off her shoulders and sliding down, exposing the most perfect pair of breasts he had ever seen. Thank the good Lord, she was asleep because his body was letting him know just how happy it was about this situation.

James pulled the blankets back up around her shoulders and pulled her back to him to keep her warm. She was warming up nicely as her body pressed back against his and he tried to ignore the feel of her supple mounds crushed against his bare flesh. She mumbled in her sleep as her hands moved across his chest, caressing his skin, forcing even more blood to rush to a very inappropriate part of his body considering their current circumstance.

"James," she murmured breathlessly as her lips skimmed across his collar bone.

"Trying to be a gentleman…trying to be a gentleman with the unconscious, nearly naked woman in my arms, who is calling out my name…be a gentleman...be a gentleman, damnit!"

That thought went out the window the moment she moaned his name again then latched onto his earlobe with her lips and pushed her hot thigh between his legs.

Oh holy fuck… he could feel the heat of her...of _her_...of Lola, against his leg and it took every ounce of strength he had not thrust against her. Still trying to be noble, a gentleman, he tried to think of something, anything other than the feel of her soft skin pressing into him. He was slowly winning the battle until she shifted in her sleep, her core pressed against his thigh and he felt the soft _wet _fabric that separated them. The image of that perfect triangle of dark hair between her legs flickered through his mind.

His control broke, he rolled her over, and on top of her, his hips fit perfectly between her thighs. Her eyes flickered open, surprise registering in them at first, but then quickly dissolving and darkening with longing.

"James," she purred his name and it sounded so erotic falling from her lips. Her hands slid around his neck and she pulled him closer to her. Their mouths were only inches away; he could feel her warm breath as it washed over his face. Her soft lips curved into a delicious promise just before James pressed his lips against hers. Her mouth moved against his, tantalizingly caressing him as the feel of her lips beneath his intoxicated him; her body pressed against him, sending a shockwave through him and he felt himself tremble with yearning for her. He needed more from her, had to have more. He pressed forward and his tongue encountered no opposition as it swept with fervent need into the softness of her mouth. Their tongues stroked, danced and intertwined with each other, fire licked through him, deep and low. He couldn't resist her any longer; he let go of his restraint and allowed his hunger and yearning for her to consume him.

Without thinking, he thrust against her core, she moaned as she ran her nails down his neck. Sweet Lord, the sound of her desire was the most satisfying thing he had ever heard and his hips involuntarily jerked again, slamming against her core, demanding entrance, but stopped by the thin barrier of their clothes. Her mouth was heated and demanding, and it seemed to suck his will right out of him.

Needing to catch his breath and to try to reclaim his sanity, he pulled back, looked into her beautiful face and he tenderly pressed his lips to her temple…her skin was so soft and…hot to the touch. He pulled back again, this time to study her, her cheeks were flushed and he had a feeling with more than desire. He pressed his hand to her forehead…hot…then against her neck…burning up. Shit! She had a fever. He looked at the cut on her forehead, it was a deep red and swollen, but he wasn't sure if that was the source of the fever.

He took his t-shirt, hobbled over to the pond, dipped it into the cool water then brought it back over to and laid the cool compress over her chest in order to try and bring the fever down. Not wanting for her to catch a chill again, he pulled the blankets back up around her. Her skin would quickly warm up the shirt so he continuously needed to cool it off in the water.

James wasn't much of a praying man. He had stopped going to church when his mother died. She had been a devout Catholic, who went to confession every week, to mass every Sunday, who volunteered her time in the soup kitchen and at the mission. She was loved by all those around her and an inspiration to many. James just didn't understand how God could take his beloved mother away from him so suddenly when she still had so much more to accomplish. He pulled her tightly against his chest, despite his anger at God; he now prayed that he wouldn't take Shepard…again. As he held her in his arms, he realized how much he loved her. He had for a while now, but only now, with the possibility of losing her was he willing to admit it to himself. He could lose her to Alenko, he wouldn't be happy with that scenario, but at least she would be alive. And just knowing that she lived would be enough to sustain him.

Sometime later, he wasn't sure how long, he felt her cool fingers caressing his arm; he slid his hand up to her forehead, still warm, but no longer life threatening. She shifted in his embrace, looked up at him and smiled. He kissed her temple.

"How do you feel?" He asked.

"Cold…but not on death's door cold anymore. Where are we?"

"We are in the gorge below that bridge we were crossing. Do you remember that?"

"Yes, I remember the bridge giving way, something hitting me in the head and then nothing. Where is everyone else?"

"There was no direct path down here. Alenko and Grunt are trying to find their way to us. So you don't remember anything else?"

"No…not really. I just woke to your nice warm arms surrounding me."

James would be lying if he said he wasn't disappointed that she didn't remember all that had transpired between them, but maybe that was for the best if she did end up with Alenko. He was about to reply when he heard the faint, but distinct sound of his name.

He sat up, looked down to make sure Shepard was covered then yelled,

"Alenko…over here."

"We're coming," he called back.

James gingerly stood up and pulled on his pants, groaning when he tried to put weight on his ankle. Shepard wrapped the blanket tightly around herself just as Alenko and Grunt came into the clearing. Alenko looked at Shepard then at James' bare chest, his eyes hardened, but he said nothing as he bent down to her.

He examined the gash on her head then pressed his palm to her forehead then to her neck before checking her extremities for frostbite. "You have a fever, your pupils are dilated, probably from shock and that cut is going to need stitches. On the brightside, I don't see any permanent damage from hypothermia or frostbite. James obviously did a good job keeping your core temperature up."

The Major's voice wasn't hostile or accusatory, just very matter-of-fact, but James had this inexplicable urge to justify his action.

"Look, I needed to get her out of those wet clothes and the best way to heat up body temperature is through direct contact," James rambled.

"I know Lieutenant, I took the same survival course as you," Alenko said as he gave her medi gel then scooped Shepard into his arms and stood.

Grunt threw his arm around James' waist to try and ease the weight on his bad ankle, but the pain was severe and their progress back up the passage was very slow going.

Shepard looked over Alenko's shoulder at him and he saw concern in her eyes. She whispered something in the Major's ear and he turned to look at them.

"Grunt, at this rate the damn war will be over before we get out of this cave," Alenko grumbled.

"What do you want me to do... carry him like he's some pretty boy?"

"Yes, exactly."

"Oh, hell no, I can walk my own ass out of here," James grunted.

"I'm sure you could, but I would like to make it out of here while there's still a war left to fight in," Alenko stated.

"This doesn't mean we're married," Grunt growled as he bent down and scooped James into his arms.

"Oh, and here I was ready to pick out china patterns with you," James said dryly.

"Fucking smart ass," Grunt mumbled.

"My thoughts exactly," Alenko added.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – *Here's a cookies for your fantabulous reviews and for adding this story to your alert and favs list. Your support is amazing. Thank you!**

***To the beta Goddess Jinx1983, first, welcome back from vacation. Second, you my friend,** **you are rockin' the bees knees, smokin' in the dog's smoking jacket, jamin' in the cat's pajamas and the coolest of the cool. Thank you for all of your hard work.**


	6. Chapter 6 I know, I'm Losing You

**Chapter 6 – I know, I'm Losing You**

"Your love is fading, I can feel your love fading, woman it's fading away from me

'Cause your personal touch has grown cold, as if someone else controls your very soul

I fooled myself as long as I can, I can feel the presence of another man

It's there when you speak my name, it's just not the same, oh, honey I'm losing you

I can feel it in the air, it's there everywhere, oh, baby, I'm losing you

I can feel it in my bones, any day you'll be up and gone, oh, I'm losing you

It's all over your face, someone's takin' my place, could it be that I'm losing you?"

_(I know) I'm Losing You by Edwin McCain_

Kaidan had never been more relieved in his life then the moment that he scooped her into his arms and carried her out of that cave. When he watched in horror as she plummeted past him, into the pond and sink to the bottom, the lights on her armor growing dimmer and dimmer, his heart shattered…again. Once more, he was helpless and completely unable to do anything to save her. His mind flashed back to that horrible day.

_As the escape pod pulled away from the Normandy, Kaidan stood at the porthole and stared in horror at the ship that had carried them to Ilos, the ship that put an end to Sovereign, the ship that he had spent countless hours with her in, the ship that he had made love to her in, was now disintegrating in front of him. He stood there and watched as the Normandy burned, exploded, and broke apart as the pieces flew off into space. He prayed she had made it off the ship, that she was in one of the other escape pods. Why had he listened to her? Why hadn't he gone with her? _

_He had seen the CIC's escape pod jettisoned away from the ship's hull just as the Collector ship's forward guns fired directly into the heart of the Normandy. When their pod hit the ground, Kaidan scrambled out, quickly issuing orders for an immediate roll call and to tend to the injured. Then he walked from pod to pod looking for the one that she should have been in. He found it on the far side of the field, as he approached, he saw Joker slumped on the ground, his back resting against the metal frame…one look at the twisted agony on the man's face and Kaidan knew…she was gone. His beautiful Shepard was gone._

She murmured against his shoulder. He looked down at her, but her eyes were trained over his shoulder. He could see that they were filled with a tenderness and compassion that he had only seen once before. When she had looked at him like that after Ashley's death. His heart ached and throbbed that a man other than himself was on the receiving end of that stare. "Kaidan, he isn't going to make it out on that leg."

Kaidan turned and looked at Vega. The man wore the distinct look of someone in great pain, but trying their damndest to hide it. Even though Grunt was trying to aid the Lieutenant, they were still moving agonizingly slow. At this rate it would be Christmas before they got out of there. Much to the dismay of the Krogan and the Lieutenant, Kaidan ordered Grunt to carry the injured soldier out.

As they all piled into the shuttle, Vega grabbed his arm and looked him in the eye. "Thank you for having my back, Major."

Kaidan nodded. "Anytime, Lieutenant."

Once back on the Normandy, Dr. Chakwas was just a little upset with Shepard. On top of the ten stitches that she received, the Doctor also diagnosed her with Attican Fever which if left unattended would have killed her and she also had a mild cause of hypothermia. Once Shepard had regained some of her strength back, the doctor allowed her to return to her room, but she was placed on strict bed rest. As second in command, with Shepard temporarily unable to command the _Normandy,_he ordered that they head to the Citadel for some much needed R&R.

He stood outside her room waiting for her to buzz him in, within seconds the doors swished open.

"This is a surprise," he said as he entered her quarters. She was actually following the good doctor's orders and resting comfortably on her bed.

"Believe it or not the invincible Commander Shepard is feeling rather weak at the moment."

"Weak? Never! Wobbly, maybe, unbalanced, could be, but never weak, my dear Shepard," he said as he made his way over to the side of the bed.

Images of the two of them on a very similar bed the night before Ilos floated through his head. Her supple body writhing beneath him, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist as she moaned his name over and over again. He quickly pushed the vivid pictures out of his mind.

She smiled up at him. "Unbalanced…I'm not liking that word too much. Sounds like I'm a mental case. How about temporarily fracturable?"

He laughed. "That could work."

"So whatcha got there," she asked, nodding the bag in his hand.

"Well, I brought up a bag of popcorn, some ice cream and a couple bottles of root beer. I thought we could watch one of those God awful classic movies of yours."

"Mmmm, root beer floats, you remembered," she said with a grin.

"I remember everything about us, Teg," he said as he stared earnestly into her eyes.

She smiled tentatively at him, but clearly deciding to stay clear of his comment. "Where did you find the ice cream and root beer at?"

"It took calling in a lot of favors and few hundred creds, but it was worth it just to see the smile on your face," he said as he began fixing the floats for them.

"Well, which God awful movie do you want to watch?" She asked.

"I don't have a clue. How about you pick one of your favorites?"

"You might regret that," she stated.

"I'm willing to default to the expert on this one," he said as he handed her a root beer float, set the bowl of popcorn between them then settled onto the bed beside her. "So what did you choose?"

"_I am Legend_," she replied.

Much to his surprise he was quickly drawn into the film, the storyline was complex and yet simple. The protagonist was likeable and sympathetic. They were at a very suspenseful part when the chime to her door went off making both of them jump. Shepard paused the movie then pressed the remote button beside her bed opening the door as she yelled for her visitor to come in.

"Hey Lola, now that Dr. Chakwas is allowing you to have visitors, I thought I would check…" the Lieutenant stopped in mid-sentence when he saw that both of them on the bed together.

"I-I…hey, I didn't mean to interrupt…"

"It's okay James. We were just watching _I am Legend_," Shepard explained.

"Ooo, good movie," Vega said as he walked over to the opposite side of the bed. He looked up at the screen and smiled. "I love this scene. Really gets the juices flowing every time."

Then he motioned for Shepard to move over so he could stretch out beside her. Fucking hell! This was not how he pictured this night going; him and Vega on her bed with Shepard in the middle. Sounded like the opening scene to a bad porno.

"Is that a root beer float?" James asked, completely intrigued.

"Yeah, it's one of my favorites. Kaidan brought it for me. Would you like a taste?"

James looked over at him. Kaidan tried to remain as nonchalant as possible, but he must have failed. "No thanks, Lola, I just ate and I'm stuffed."

Well, he was glad to see that Vega wasn't a complete idiot. Now if he would just take a clue and get the hell out of here. No such luck, the beefcake stayed for the entire movie.

When the man finally left, Kaidan breathed a sigh of relief because he sure as hell wasn't leaving with that man still in her quarters.

Once again alone with her, he turned to her. "Shepard, we should be arriving at the Citadel late tomorrow. While we are there, would you be willing to have dinner with me?" Kaidan asked.

She hesitated for a moment then nodded. "Yes, I would like that."

_**xxXxx**_

Kaidan waited anxiously at the Apollo Café for Shepard to arrive. His return to the _Normandy_had not been an easy one. He could sense Shepard's reluctance to trust him and because of this she was always questioning his motives even when they were innocent. The incident that occurred between them on Benning flickered through his mind. Shepard normally took a three man team with her, but when they went into a hot zone to rescue civilians that were being abducted by Cerberus she opted to bring Liara, James and himself along with her. He wasn't sure her reasons regarding this decision, but he had a feeling it had to do with her uneasiness with him after Mars.

_It had baffled Kaidan that Cerberus would be so brazen to boldly abducted civilians out in public and not even try to conceal their presence._

_"What the hell could Cerberus want with these civilians?" He wondered out loud not to anyone in particular._

_He noticed Shepard's shoulders tense, but it was Liara that had replied. "It really is perplexing. Theses citizens don't hold any true military value nor could they be considered scientific assets."_

_"Unless, Cerberus is using them as their own personal science project," James stated._

_"Well that's a disturbing prospect," Liara said._

_"I've read the reports. It's not out of the realm of possibilities when it comes to the Illusive Man," James replied._

_Kaidan gently touched Shepard's arm. "Makes me wonder what exactly the Illusive Man may have done to you," Kaidan muttered._

_The statement had been completely innocent and said out of concern for her, but she interpreted it as an attack from him and who could blame her. His most recent actions had given her reason to be distrustful of his motivation._

_Shepard whirled on him. "I am not Cerberus! I am not the Illusive Man! I am exactly the same person that was with you the night before Ilos."_

_Kaidan was shocked by her loss of control which was so out of character for her. "Shepard, I know. I wasn't implying…"_

_"I am sick of you questioning my every move!"_

_"I wasn't doing that. Honesty, Shep…"_

_She cut him off, pain and anger etched in her face. "When are you ever going to trust me again, Kaidan?"_

_"I do trust you."_

_"No you don't! It's all just lip service."_

_"That isn't true!"_

_"Do you think I don't see the way you watch me? Studying me…as if I'm about to sprout a second head or grab a butcher knife and hack everyone up to do experiments on…"_

_"Enough!…Stop it!…" Kaidan ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "If I'm watching you it's because I can't believe you're alive…hell, Shepard a part of me died with you when the Normandy went down. I mourned you for two years."_

_"Mourned me! You treated me as if I had the plague on Horizon, then couldn't wait to write me to tell me about how you moved on with your shiny new girlfriend and now you question every move I make."_

_Kaidan closed his eyes trying to compose himself, not wanting to fight with her because he knew he was the cause of her pain._

_"Why did you come back to the Normandy when it is obvious you still have your doubts about me?"_

_Kaidan turned to Liara and James. "Could you give us a moment?"_

_Liara nodded, but James just gave him a hard cold stare and stood his ground. Liara grabbed the marine's arm and pulled him through the door. When they were alone, Kaidan turned his attention back to her and stepped closer to her._

_"I came back to the Normandy Teghan, for you…because I still love you…I know we are heading into one hell of a war, one that this time we might not come back from. I didn't want to spend what little time we have left away from you."_

_Shepard stumbled back visibly shaken by his declaration. "K-kaidan…I don't know what to say."_

_"You don't need to say anything. I know that I've caused you pain, I know that you might never feel for me the way you once did, but I needed you to know that I love you…that I'm here for you even if it's just as your friend. I trust you, Shepard, I believe in you and I will follow you into hell if you need me to."_

_Still stunned by all that he had said, Shepard just hung her head, not willing or maybe not able to meet his eyes. "Thank you, Kaidan," she whispered quietly._

That had been before the Attican Traverse and rescuing the Krogan team…before he had seen firsthand the way that she looked at James. He knew he was losing her…if he ever had her at all. He had to try one more time to convince her that they belonged together. Tonight he would put all of his cards on the table and then leave it up to her. If she turned him away, he would still remain her shipmate, her friend and the man that would love her from afar.

He watched her come down the stairs. She was dressed casually in a tight fitting, white t-shirt and even tighter pair of khaki pants. Both did a fantastic job of accenting all of her wonderful curves. Her long mahogany hair flowed around her face emphasizing her emerald green eyes. She was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and she took his breath away.

He stood as she approached the table and pulled out her chair for her. She shot him a 'what the fuck' look. He grinned at her, "What? Can't I be a gentleman?"

She smiled back at him skeptically. "Is this a date, Kaidan?"

"I don't think we need to put a label on it. It's just two people who care and respect one another enjoying a meal together," Kaidan said as he took the seat beside her.

"Okay, I like that definition."

He picked up the menu and looked over it. "I'm surprised that they can get the supplies for a menu like this."

"I'm sure we don't even want to know where it came from."

"I'm glad you joined me, Shepard. When I nearly died on Mars, my life flashed in front of my eyes and I realized that there weren't enough moments like this."

"Yes, near death experiences have a tendency to put things into perspective for you."

Her voice wasn't hard or cold, he looked into her eyes and he saw tenderness and understanding there. He reached over and clasped her hand. "I knew you would understand."

She smiled at him. "Well, I think we need to order some drinks so that we can toast to life. What are you drinking?"

"Well, I wouldn't mind a nice cold Canadian beer and a shot of Jameson."

She laughed. "Nothing like a good Irish whiskey to warm the blood."

"I agree, but tonight I wanted something a little more special." From under his chair, he pulled out a gift back and handed it to her.

Her eyes went wide with surprise then she leaned over and looked under his chair. "Anything else I should know about underneath your chair?"

"Nope, that's it."

She opened the bag and pulled out the bottle of wine. Her eyes lit up as a radiant smile spread across her lips. She grew up as a space kid, but her parents had purchased land in Napa Valley for them to take family vacations at or just to get away for long weekends. Teghan had grown up sampling wine at the dinner table and had a well-cultivated palate which very few people knew about because she worried that people would view her wine expertise as weak. He thought that was an absolutely ridiculous notion because anyone who knew her, knew she was the polar opposite of weak. If she did have a weakness it was for a full bodied glass of red wine.

He remembered when they had taken shore leave shortly before Ilos. They had stayed at her parents' house. They had spent the weekend visiting wineries, eating delicious meals and making love in the field behind the house. It had been the best weekend of his life.

She stared open mouthed at the bottle of Silver Oak Cabernet Sauvignon. "Where did you get this?"

"When I was on Earth, I purchased it to celebrate with you the day that the Alliance released you and reinstated you as Commander of the _Normandy_. Unfortunately, the Reapers had other plans."

"You seem confident that they were going to reinstate me."

"Anderson was working around the clock to have you freed."

"And you?"

He looked into her eyes…her knowing eyes. He didn't know how to reply so he just shook his head, but didn't reply.

"I know you were working tirelessly with Anderson to have me released. He told me when I questioned him about why you hadn't tried to see me…not even when they stripped me of my Command."

"Teghan…I wanted to…I wanted to be there for you at your trial. I wanted to go to you after they handed down their verdict, but Anderson felt that it was important that the Counsel view me as an unbiased party so that my investigation would hold weight with them."

"Logically, I understand both yours and Anderson's reasoning, but my heart has trouble with your logic and after Horizon it felt like another stab in the back."

He clasped her hands in his. "I know that it must have felt that way and I'm so sorry."

"Then what you said on Mars only reinforced that you and I were not just fighting against the Reapers, but against my past…which is something I can't change Kaidan. I will always be a manufactured product of Cerberus."

"I know…I've accepted that and _**you **_aren't a product of Cerberus. You are still the Shepard that I know…" his voice dropped to a whisper, "…that I still love."

"K-kaidan," her voice broke. He looked up to find, for the second time in a matter of months, a tear struggling to escape her eye; he saw that vulnerability that had never been there before the crash of _Normandy_. He had done this to her. He had broken her. He knew he wasn't the only component that had caused this doubt in her, but he was big reason for it being there. He wanted to make things right. He wanted remind her of who she was. If only she would let him.

It was now or never. He looked boldly into her eyes. "Teghan, do you still love me?"

She held his gaze for a long time then she swallowed hard before she replied. "I will always love you, Kaidan, but it isn't enough."

"Don't say that, Teg. Just give me a chance; I can make up for my mistakes."

"Kaidan, there is too much pain…not just for me, but for you too. There hasn't been enough time for those wounds to heal. After our mission on the Attican Traverse, I feel that I'm just beginning to trust you on missions, but that doesn't mean that the pain from the past isn't still there…I-I will always love you, but I don't trust you enough to give you my heart and I don't know if I will ever be able to trust you enough to do that again."

Kaidan felt his own heart splinter into a million different pieces and he had to bite his lip to stop the groan from the physical pain that was now gripping him. "I-I'm so sorry, Teg."

"I know, so am I," she said as she stood up, paused then leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Goodbye, Kaidan."

Kaidan sat there completely in shock as the ache of losing her all over again rippled through him.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – Once again a huge thank you everyone that has added this story to their favs and author list and to all the wonderful reviewers. Your comments make my day! Thank you.**

***A huge shout out to my betalicious Jinxy for her editing prowess. "Jinxy, Jinxy your on my mind, your beta skills are awesome and your editing is oh so fine. Jinxy, Jinxy wanna work with you so this what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna put a call to you, 'cause I feel good tonight and the chapters oh so right, right, right"**


	7. Chapter 7 Satellite

**Chapter 7 – Satellite  
><strong>

"Baby, I'm gonna put your skin on mine, be inside you all my life

But if you let your heart open up your mind

There's a whole new world on the other side

I'm gonna be your satellite

Now hand over your world at night

And I can hear you sleep beneath the candlelight

I can see your dreams like they were mine

_Satellite by Santana featuring Jorge Moreno_

It had been six weeks since saving Grunt in the Attican Traverse. Since their brief R&R on the Citadel, Shepard had been like a woman possessed, going from one mission directly to another. During this time they had joined forces with an Asari Justicar to fight against the Reapers, who attacked an Ardat-Yakshi monastery, defended a fuel reactor site against Cerberus, destroyed a Geth Dreadnought and acquired the aid of a Geth named Legion who was an old acquaintance of the Commander's. No surprise there; that woman made the strangest allies.

It wasn't her determination to acquire as many military assets as possible that concerned him; it was what was driving her. It was as if she was running from something or trying to forget something. James had a good idea what that something was. Things between Shepard and Alenko had become very distant since the Citadel. Shepard was as unreadable as ever, but when the Major thought no one watching, he looked at Shepard like a man that was filled with regret and longing. James didn't doubt the man's feelings for the Commander, which was obvious. It was just as apparent that Shepard still had feelings for him, but she was trying to put the past behind her and he wanted to help her with that endeavor.

A few weeks after they had left the Citadel, late one night when her insomnia had gotten the best of her, she made her way down to the shuttle bay to burn off some energy by running laps around the hold. James stood in the shadows and just watched her graceful form as she ran close to forty laps before collapsing onto the mats near his punching bag.

James made his way over to her and sat down beside her. She looked over at him, but remained lying down, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she caught her breath.

"Almost ten miles in twenty minutes, not bad, but you know there are more pleasurable ways to work off all that anxiety, Lola," James said suggestively.

"Yeah, but my hand was getting tired so I thought I would give running a go," she replied smoothly.

James began to choke and he felt the heat rising in his cheeks until the image of her with her hand between her legs made all of his blood rush to another part of his anatomy.

"You know, you really shouldn't make sexual overtures if you can't handle the reply," she cooed.

"Yes, I'm beginning to learn that about you, but most women aren't as straightforward."

"I'm not most women."

"And thank God for that, Lola," he said as he leaned into her, his lips brushed against hers when she offered no resistance, he deepened the kiss as his tongue slipped past her sweet, full lips and swept into her soft, velvety mouth. She tasted so decadent…like sin and he wanted to devour every inch of her. His lips left her mouth as he kissed down her neck then paused to suck and nip at the pulse point there. She moaned his name and fuck, he nearly came in his pants at the sound of that.

He moved across her, wanting to ease her back, but she stopped him with a tender touch to his chest and the whisper of his name. He paused and looked into her eyes, he saw longing there, but also reservation. The last thing he wanted was for her to ever regret being with him.

"I know there are things in your past that have hurt you, but I want you to know I will never do that to you. Your heart is safe with me. I'm not asking you to fall in love with me, Lola. I'm just asking you to let me in, let me help you put your past behind you."

As she looked into his eyes, she tenderly stroked his cheek, "I do trust you, James. I just need a little more time…there are some things I need to work out."

"I will give you time. I'm here for you whenever you are ready."

So James gave her the space and time to come to terms with her past relationship, but his patience was beginning to run thin. He wanted her as he had never wanted anyone in his life and he didn't know how much longer he could stay away from her.

Currently they were back at the Citadel. After the incident with the Geth and Quarian the Council wanted to personally meet with Shepard to discuss the incident before she confronted the Geth on Rannoch. James knew that she wanted to tell them to fuck off that she had bigger issues to deal with then to soothe their tattered nerves, but Admiral Hackett asked her to continue to play nice with the Council members so here they were.

Normally, when on the Citadel they went to Purgatory to blow off steam, but the group wanted a more laid back atmosphere so here he was at Flux listening to slow sultry beats with Garrus, Joker, EDI, Kaidan and their latest crewmate Tali.

Garrus laughed as he told a story, pulling his attention back to the group.

"So we are escaping a volcano that is erupting, lava is flowing all around the hammerhead as we skip from rock to rock trying to make it to higher ground so that the _Normandy_ can pick us up when Shepard decides to stop in order to extract some iridium. When I question her, quite loudly I might add, why the hell we need to mine at this particular moment, she calmly replies, 'I didn't want our escape to seem too easy. What's the thrill in that?' I swear if I had hair on this body that woman would have turned it gray," Garrus grunted.

"S-shepard is such a mining whore," Tali stuttered.

"I believe you're drunk, Tali'Zorah," Garrus chuckled.

"How is that even possible?" Kaidan asked.

"Very carefully. T-turian brandy, triple filtered then introduced through an emergency induction port," she replied.

"Aaah, I believe that is a straw, Tali," Kaidan stated.

"Emergency induction port," Tali said emphasizing each word.

"Well, you seem to be having trouble finding the emergency induction port," Joker chuckled as the straw brushed the side of Tali's mask.

"Then it must be working. Back to my point…What was my point?" Tali asked.

"I believe you were stating your case on why Shepard is a mining whore," EDI said matter-of-factly.

"Oh yeah, that's right…Hmmm, I had a logical reason for that thought…"

"Well you should be grateful that Shepard was so hard core about extracting minerals. It was her efforts that made the _Normandy _the fastest, most badass ship in the galaxy and that is why we made it through the Omega 4 relay and back," Joker stated soberly.

"What was it like to go through…"James stopped mid-sentence, his eyes widened as all the blood immediately rushed to his groin.

All eyes turned to look at Shepard as she entered the club. She wore a vibrant strapless, tight fitting red and silver metallic dress. The top of the dress scalloped over her breasts put then plunged down to her sternum. The black heels that she wore emphasized her long lean legs. Her long mahogany hair flowed around her face and down her back.

"Fuck me!" James declared as he swallowed hard. He glanced over at Kaidan who obviously was having the same reaction as he was.

Garrus gave a low whistle of approval. "The Commander definitely cleans up nice for these dignitary dinners, doesn't she?"

"T-that's Kasumi's influence. Ever since she took Shepard to that damn party, Shep has developed a thing for cocktail dresses. I even saw her s-sparring in one once. She said she wanted to make sure that she could still man-u-…man-u-vu…move around in it if she was ever in a hand-to-hand fight, b-but I knew better. D-damn thief," Tali stated.

One of the council member's assistants greeted Shepard then escorted her to a private room in back for her dinner.

James couldn't stop himself from leaning over and watching her walk down the hallway. Sweet Mary mother of God, it really was a crime for one woman to look that fucking good.

"Vega, would you like a drool rag now or should we wait until the table is sopping wet?" Kaidan growled.

"Would that be from his drool or yours, Kaidan?" Garrus asked.

"What is it with you human males and your drooling?" Tali questioned.

"Tali, I do believe I have seen your mask have condensation on it when you have observed Garrus calibrating his weapon," EDI stated nonchalantly.

"Which weapon would that be, big guy?" James asked with a smirk.

"The only big gun I own, Vega," Garrus grunted as he took a sip of his beer. "Tali said that she wanted to learn, so I let her watch me as I polish my gun."

"And what a sight it is to behold! Such a p-powerful and b-big gun," Tali acknowledged.

"Did anyone else just throw up in their mouth?...Anyone?...Just me?...Huh?" Joker asked.

"I'm way past that point, Joker. I'm going to need a lobotomy to scrub those images from my brain," Kaidan stated.

"I think I'm becoming offended. All this negative talk is going to give me a complex," Garrus stated.

"Good, then you'll have a complex and a BIG, POWERFUL gun, but you'll still be ugly!" Joker chuckled.

"That's true, Scars. Not everyone can have a big gun and a handsome face like me," James said with a grin.

"Are we still talking about weapons?" EDI asked.

"I find him to be ruggedly handsome," Tali said without even thinking as she glanced over at Garrus. Everyone turned and stared at her.

"Ooh, Keelah, did I just say that out loud?" She added.

Garrus straightened up in his chair. "You do?"

"Oh...uhm, I was referring to your gun..." Tali said trying to sound casual.

The table burst out laughing. "I really know how to put my foot in my mouth, don't I?"

"I believe that was your emergency induction port," Kaidan chuckled.

"Or is it Garrus' emergency induction port?" James asked.

"Is that what we're calling it now?" Joker added.

"Will you idiots give it a rest?" Garrus growled.

"Only if you admit that your induction port does a salute when Tali's around," James chuckled.

The drinking and crazy banter continued late into the night. Shepard had yet to return from her dinner, but he knew she was still in there by the amount of food and wine that was being brought into the private room. Obviously, saving the Galaxy required a lot of food and numerous bottles of wine. When they returned to the ship, James had asked EDI to let him know when Shepard returned and not to let Joker know; she didn't say anything just gave him a curious grin and nodded in agreement. James liked Joker, but he wanted to keep this as private as possible.

Now he took a deep breath and knocked at her door. "It's open," she yelled.

He walked in and had to smile when he saw her still in that damn dress that would now have a starring role in his fantasies and if things went as he hoped, they would he would have the pleasure of removing that dress.

Her eyes lit up when she saw him and she smiled warmly at him. "James, this is a pleasant surprise."

"Well, I'm glad you feel that way, Lola."

"What brings you here?"

"Well I have to admit, I was at Flux this evening when you walked in and you nearly stopped my heart. You looked absolutely stunning."

She continued to smile at him. "Thank you, James."

"And I thought what a waste to look so delicious for a bunch of pompous politicians."

She laughed, "Delicious, huh?"

"Oh yes," he purred as he stepped closer to her. "So since you were looking so fine I thought it was time for another dance lesson and this time something with a little more flavor from my people."

"Aaah, I think we should stop while we're ahead. Why ruin a good thing?" Shepard replied nervously as James made his way over to her player and slid the chip in. Then he turned off the overhead lights so that the only light in the room was coming from the fish tank and the stars shining through the skylight above them.

"Lola, come dance with me under the stars. I promise, I will make you look fabulous, just follow my lead," said as he stepped into her, placed one hand on her hip, drew her to him as he clasped his other hand over hers.

The twang of the guitar started to whine just before the drums banged out a sultry beat, the smooth voice of the lead singer began to hum as a man chanted, _"Represent, represent, Cubaaa." _

"Feel the rhythm, Lola," James said as he moved in place with the beat of the music. She did as instructed and her body swayed with the tempo.

"_Te quiero Havana,the rhythm' pumping in my heart,_

_In La Rosa we dance to the tempo of the love, boy,_

_Your hips making a shift, and you fall deep into its spell,_

_Let your body talk, till the voice in you says, say baby"_

James led her forward for three steps then he moved backward three steps. He repeated the steps several times and she quickly caught on to the moves. She looked up and smiled at him. When she allowed herself to be open and relaxed she had the most breathtaking smile.

"_I'm the one you find deep in that move, that drives your body and your senses,_

_I'm the heat inside, when rhythm and love collide, Cuba, let me introduce myself"_

James placed their hands palm to palm then swung their hands above their heads as he slowly turned her in a circle. Feeling the beat of the music, she swayed her hips and stepped in time with the beat as she slowly sauntered around. His eyes roamed down her back to her firm bottom as her hips moved back and forth.

"_Asi que mueve, mueve tu culete a mi son como un chupete_

_Shake it, shake it, trae queque, my flow, my life, my style,_

_sete peque, aqui mi ruso con el prete aqui la cucu con el pepe_

_sientate, relajate, escucha esto que ponemos_

_un poco de t?e musica cubana, rumba y sentimiento_

_cambio si, orishas, move your body_

_Move your body, body, move your body, body"_

Moving with the tempo, James released his grip on her waist, but continued to lead her with his hand clasped in hers. She stepped back three steps, her arms swinging in time with the music. He couldn't believe how quickly she picked up the steps, she looked magnificent. James pulled her back to him, spinning her so that her back was flush against his chest.

Her left hand was lying on her stomach; James rested his hand over hers, he ran his right hand up the length of her arm and stretched their arms above their heads. Then he leaned back with her against him in an arch as he moved them in semicircle. He brought their outstretched arms around then spun her so that her side was now pressed against his chest. With his right arm still supporting her, he dipped her back, her sleek neck fell back, her hair falling behind her. James bent down and ran his tongue up the slender column of her throat. She shivered against him, but she didn't pull away from him. She remained firmly against his chest.

"_Bring down your last defense, feel your innocence, slip into the light, baby hold on tight_

_Bring down your last defense, feel your innocence, slip into the light, baby hold on tight_

_Let me introduce myself, Cubaaaaaaa"_

He brought her back up, spun her out, and then quickly pulled her back to him so that she was once again facing him. With both arms firmly wrapped around her waist, he stepped into her, his thigh parting her legs; he bent her back, leaned over her so that his face was even with her chest and swayed her in his arms. She ran her hands over his biceps, up to his neck and into the hair of his mohawk.

The song ended and a slower more sensual song came on. The rasp of the snare drum, the sultry rattle of the maracas, the seductive voice of the singer just fed his hunger for her.

"_No regrets, everything will work out fine_

_We'll hold our breath, wait for another sign_

_I've tasted, your bittersweet faith_

_My heart aches for you, I'm taking a moment to say_

_Everything I do, I do for you, I do it all for you"_

He brought her back up to him, with his thigh still between her legs, his hand slid down her back; he grabbed her ass as he rocked back and forth with her, his groin pressing so sweetly against her core. Her hands slid up his back, as her lips pressed against his neck. He swayed with her, his hand slipped down to her thigh, dipped her again, but his time he brought her leg up so that it against his hip. She moved with him, causing the most delicious friction that was about to be his undoing.

When he released her leg, her hands slipped down his sides, she grabbed his shirt and gently pulled it over his head. She kissed his chest before she moved around to his back, feathering kisses as she went and sway with him to the music.

When she moved back in front of him, his arms slipped around her waist and up her back. He nimbly slid the zipper of the dress down; it quietly fell to the floor. She stepped out of it, and James took her hand, spun her around as he drank in her soft tanned skin, the black lacy bra and pantie, the black high heels and his breath quickened as a low groan escaped his lips.

"_Lay your sweet tears across my broken dream_

_Don't you speak a word about the past_

_You'll need more than I'll ever give_

_I can't lie to you, I love you, my angel, my sin_

_Everything I do, I do for you_

_I do it all for you anything, anything for you"_

He pulled her against him, his hands on her ass as he pressed his need for her against the heat that was now emanating from her. He moved in time with the music as he dipped her back, his face once again flushed with her chest, with his hand around her waist, he brought his other hand up and tenderly stroked up her stomach, to her chest, up the column of her throat then his hand slid around the nape of her neck, his fingers entwining in her hair as he brought her back up to him and claimed her mouth with his.

Her lips yielded to his gentle pressure, opening to him, allowing his tongue to dip into her mouth, exploring her, tasting her. Her tongue danced with his, she was as eager to discover him as he was her. Their embrace tightened, their bodies responding to hunger and need as they continued to sway to the hypnotic beat of the song.

James groaned, it was all he could do not to cum right then and there. He wanted her so badly. He had fantasized about the two of them together, her naked body straddling him, riding him, sucking him as he called out her name over and over again. Tonight would be no fantasy.

James moved them backwards so that his back was flush against the fish tank, the only light in the room illuminating her features. His hands slid around her neck; he grasped the soft tendrils at the nape of her neck as he pulled her to him. He captured her mouth –hard, deep and oh, so wet. She swirled her hips slightly, grinding herself against his already aching hard-on as she ran her nails down his neck to his back and to his ass, she pushed him even harder against her.

He groaned as a primal lust infused his body at her blatant display of sexual prowess. She was willing…wanting…and oh so fucking ready, he couldn't remember the last time he had been so fucking horny… so out of control. His hand slid up her back and his fingers nimbly unhooked her bra, he pulled the material away that was separating their flesh. He moaned as her bare breasts pressed against his chest. James looked across the room in the mirror at her bare back as he ran his hands down her silky skin to her lace covered bottom. He pulled on the thin bows on either side of her panties that held them on, and with one swift tug they fell to the floor.

She ran her hands down his now bare chest, his heart pounding against his ribs. He glanced in the mirror his hands slid down her back, grasped her luscious bottom, and pressed his aching groin into her. James groaned as he leaned her back then lowered his head and took her taut nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it, tugging it with his teeth. She moaned his name as she trembled against him. His mouth moved over to her other nipple as he continued to stroke and tease her. She was so sensitive to his touch, to his lips and mouth…

Oh fuck, his whole body jolted as she pulled away slightly then slipped her hand between them and stroked him through his pants.

"L-lola," he moaned as she quickly undid to his trousers, pushed them down, he stepped out of them and kicked them aside. Thank God he went commando tonight, as she grasped his throbbing, hard length; her hand closed around him as she ran her thumb back and forth across the sensitive tip. He moaned against her breasts, his hands clutched against her back as he fought for control. God help him, if he didn't get inside her soon, he was going to cum while pressed up against her like some fucking teenage virgin. He glanced up and remembered the mirror across the room. He needed to distract her, to take her attention away from him.

He grabbed her shoulders, spun her around so her back faced him. His arms circled around her waist and he pulled her to him. Their image, reflected in the mirror, her naked body pressed against his bare chest, his throbbing groin rubbing against her delectable backside. He had to pause for a moment to capture this image forever in his mind. She was so beautiful… so damn delicious.

"Lola," he groaned into her ear. "Look in the mirror, look at what you're doing to me and what I'm about to do to you."

He kissed his way down her neck, nipping and sucking at the soft skin; he smiled as she shivered against him with a small whimper. He slid his hand up to her breast as his mouth found her neck's sensitive spot once again. He cupped her breasts and began to stroke each nipple with his thumb. She watched him in the mirror, fascinated as he masterfully teased and caressed her until her body was nearly limp in his arms.

"You feel fantastic," he moaned against her neck. He watched her as his fingers expertly manipulated her body, causing her to writhe and squirm against him.

"Tell me, Lola, what do you want? I'll do whatever you ask," James groaned into her just before he captured the lobe between his teeth.

She reached around and grabbed his hips as she thrust wildly back against him. "L-lower, t-touch me lower."

He moved his hand down her toned stomach; he paused just above the dark patch of hair between her legs; that small triangle of hair that he had dreamed about every night since the Attican Traverse. He could feel the heat radiating off her. "Here… is this low enough?"

Her voice was raspy with need, "You are such a fucking tease."

James laughed, "Oh. You want my hand lower."

"Bastard," she growled as she grabbed his hand and pushed him down between her legs. His hand rested there without moving, and his breath hitched in his chest. Oh, sweet Jesus, she was so incredibly wet. At his hesitation, she pushed her hips against his hand.

"I hear patience is a virtue, my dear," James purred in his ear.

"F-fuck that…James…I need…"

"What do you need, Lola?"

"You…inside…me."

He watched her, watching him, as he slipped between her folds and his fingers slid inside her. Her eyes rolled back as a sigh escaped her lips. She was exquisite…slick…warm…and oh so fucking wet. His fingers slid in and out of her as his thumb strummed the taut bundle of nerves. She trembled against him and moaned out his name. It was music to his ears.

No longer able to stand on her own, he held her up with his arm securely around her waist. His lips caressed her shoulders and neck as his hand continued to stroke and tease her, but he couldn't take his eyes off her image in the mirror as her head fell back against his chest. Her body stiffened, he felt her inner muscles clamp down around him. "Ohh… James… Fuck… yessss!"

When the pleasure had receded, she leaned back against his chest panting, trying to catch her breath. He feathered kisses up and her neck. When she had returned back to him, James scooped her into his arms, carried her over to the bed and laid her down. He had wanted to take his time with her, explore every inch of her, but there would be time for that later. Now, he just desperately needed to be in her.

He laid down beside her, she rolled him onto his back and straddled him. He was so hard that he thought he might shatter. The moment he entered her, fire burned through him and his vision actually blurred as her heat enfolded him, her muscles contracting around him. Oh holy hell…she was so tight…so fucking hot and wet. His body shuddered as he surged deep into her.

He looked into her beautiful face and he watched her shutter with desire as she rode him, James reached up to caress her and she leaned down so he could take her luscious nipple into his mouth. He sucked hard at it as she swirled and grinded her hips into him in a slow erotic dance. James trembled; he closed his eyes as he enjoyed the delicious friction she was creating between them. It was such sweet torture, but his body was now demanding release. He grasped her hips and began to move her faster and harder against him. His hips thrust up against her, driving deeper into her. She cried out as she arched her back and her beautiful breasts swayed with each movement.

He needed to be deeper in her; with one arm around her waist and the other on her hip, he rolled her over, burying himself in her to the hilt. She moaned out his name as she wrapped her legs around him, bringing him even deeper into her.

He dipped his head down to capture a nipple in his mouth. He gently pulled and tugged as she ran her nails along his back to his ass and gripped him hard, encouraging him to pick up the pace. He leaned up on his arms and began driving himself quickly in and out of her.

"James, yesss…" She moaned as the sensation built up, growing more intense with every thrust. He shifted, slipped his hand between them, and stroked her. She cried out his name again.

"Lola…te adoro …" He groaned as she rocked with him, and he could feel that she was close to her climax. He moved harder and faster against her, and felt her body stiffen and writhe beneath him as the wave of pleasure broke hard. James continued to thrust into her to prolong her pleasure and he growled as her nails bit into the skin of his shoulder. He yelled out her name as he collapsed onto her, his hands slid under her as he clutched her shoulders. His hips slammed into her, over and over again, as his orgasm overtook him and he poured himself deep into her. She rhythmically clenched and unclenched her inner muscles around his still-moving member, milking him completely.

"Damn," James sighed against her neck. "Fuck me, that was incredible."

She giggled, "I do believe, I did just that."

"Yes, you did," James moaned as he kissed the side of her neck, breathing her in. She smelled like vanilla, citrus, spices and glorious sex. He slid out of her, rolled on his back and brought her with him.

She propped herself up on her elbow and grinned down at him. "Sooo, te adoro?"

His eyes went wide as his mind scrambled to think when he had said that, but his mind went completely blank. "Aaah…well…it's true, Lola. I do adore you."

She smiled at as her hand gently stroked his cheek. "I think you're wonderful, James and I couldn't be happier that you have come into my life."

It wasn't 'I love you' or 'I adore you', but knowing everything that she had been through he would take it. He pulled her down to his chest, kissed the top of her forehead and drifted off to sleep with his arms wrapped around the woman that he adored…that he loved.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – The songs that James and Shepard danced to were - Represent, Cuba - Heather Headley featuring Orishas and Bittersweet Faith by Bitter:Sweet.**

***I wanted to thank everyone for your reviews and for adding this story to your alert and favs list. It's wonderful hearing your thoughts and comments. Please continue to share those with me. **

*** A huge spankalicous thank you to my fanfreckintastic beta, Jinxy, for her rad, mad beta-ing skills. I appreciate your help turning my ramblings into cohesive sentences. You rock!**


	8. Chapter 8 Always

**Chapter 8 – Always**

"What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair, to touch your lips, to hold you near

When you say your prayers try to understand, I've made mistakes I'm just a man.

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near, when he says the words

You've been needing to hear, I'll wish I was him with those words of mine

To say to you till the end of time.

And I will love you baby always, and I'll be there forever and a day always

If you told me to cry for you I could, if you told me to die for you I would

Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay, to say these words to you."

_Always by Bon Jovi_

Kaidan had to admit these past two months had been harder than he ever expected. The pain of Shepard telling him that she would always love him, but couldn't trust her heart to him had been unbearable. However, having to stand by and watch as she became closer with Vega while they continued to drift apart was just downright excruciating. He didn't want this distance between them. He would never be able to rebuild her trust if they could barely speak to each other outside the perimeters of a mission, but he didn't know how to bridge the gap that was now dividing them.

Kaidan carefully used the spatula to flip his omelette in half then he sprinkled some cheese on it. His toast popped up when he heard the chime of elevator arrive. He looked up at the clock on the wall, 0348 hours. Who the hell would be up at this hour? He looked up just as Shepard rounded the corner. She paused when she saw him, but she gave him tentative smile and made her way over to him.

"Trouble sleeping?" Kaidan asked.

"My damn stomach is keeping me awake so I came down to look for something to tie me over," she replied.

"Biotics?"

She smiled. "Yep, I forgot how often or how much you used to eat until I started waking up in the middle of the night with terrible hunger pains."

Kaidan slid his omelette in front of her. "Here ya go."

She looked at the plate, licked her lips, but then pushed it back to him. "I can't take your food. You just fixed this for yourself. I'll just whip something up for myself."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "Are trying to commit hara-kiri by actually ingesting something that you've cooked?"

She laughed. "Hey now, my cooking isn't that bad. You've eaten food I've made."

"It took a lot of willpower and beer to wash that meal down," Kaidan chuckled as he pushed the plate back in front of her. She took a seat at one of the counter stools.

"If it was that bad then why did you eat it?"

He gave her timid smile. "I was trying to impress the girl."

"Oh…" she replied as she looked down at the plate of food.

"Go ahead eat, Shepard. It won't take long for me to make another one."

She cut a huge piece of the omelette and shoved it into her mouth as if she hadn't eaten in days. "Mmmm Kaidan, I forgot what a fantastic cook you are," she mumbled as she pushed another large bit into her mouth.

"Do you remember that time when we were on Aite and due to some atmospheric microbursts we couldn't contact Joker and we were forced to spend the night there?"

Kaidan chuckled. "Yes, spending the night on a solitary planet with a starving Krogan isn't something you forget easily."

Not to mention she had spent the night in his arms in order to keep warm once the temperatures had dropped. He hadn't slept a wink that night as he watched her peacefully rest against his chest, tight in his embrace.

Shepard started to laugh as she nodded in agreement. She had the most infectious laugh and Kaidan couldn't help, but join in. "Wrex bet you a thousand credits that you couldn't whip something together for us to eat."

"Easiest credits I ever earned," Kaidan stated.

"I don't know if it was because I was starving or it actually was your cooking abilities, but that was one of the most delicious meals I've ever had. To this day I still haven't been able to figure out what you put in it."

He grinned at her, "Trust me, you don't want to know."

"You're probably right. Sometimes ignorance is bliss."

They both fell silent as the memories from their time together flooded through both of their minds. She ate the last bite of the omelette then she stood up. She smiled at him…that warm, radiant smile of hers that just drew you and completely captured your heart. "Thank you, Kaidan. I owe you one."

"As long as you don't repay me with something you've cooked up, I'll accept it."

"Just for that comment, I'm going to prove you wrong."

"Thanks, I'll give the crew plenty of warning."

"Just you wait, Alenko, I'll make you eat your words."

"As long as it isn't your cooking," he snickered.

She shot him a dirty look as she headed for the elevators. Kaidan watched her go, his heart longed for her, but he was happy that they were at least talking and joking with each other once again. He hoped that this was the beginning of rebuilding their friendship and hopefully her trust in him. He needed her to trust him, not just for his own redemption and peace of mind, but because she needed to trust every member of her team if she was going to get through this war alive.

The following afternoon, Kaidan decided to head down to the cargo hold to for a run to burn off some pent up energy. When the elevator doors opened he saw Shepard standing there dressed as if she was about to go workout. "Going for a run too?"

"Nope, I'm meeting Garrus for a little hand-to-hand sparring. He keeps bragging about his reach, but I'm about to school him that agility and flexibility will break you every time."

Kaidan laughed as they stepped off the elevator. "Oooo, this I've got to see."

Waiting for them by the mats was Garrus, Tali, Joker and Liara. Obviously he wasn't the only one who wanted to witness this little bout. He did wonder where James was.

"Oh goodie, Garrus, just what I wanted... an audience to witness me kicking your ass!" Shepard chuckled as she kicked off her shoes and walked to the center of the mats.

"Well, I've heard about Garrus'…uhmm, impressive reach, so I wanted to see for myself," Tali said.

"I don't believe this is going to be that kind of sparring match," Joker teased.

Shepard rolled her shoulders then her neck before she dropped into a defensive stance. Garrus did the same as the two began to circle each other. Shepard stayed out of Garrus' reach, forcing him to come closer to her. He advanced on her, threw a jab then a hook, Shepard easily blocked both punches then she stepped to the side and threw two well-timed punches to his chest while he was still spinning to face her.

He grinned at her. "Nice…enjoy those. It will be your last."

Garrus advanced on her again, he threw a left hook, Shepard moved quickly to the side and out of his reach. Then she pressed forward, she threw a right hook, Garrus blocked, exposing his left flank, Shepard pivoted and swung her right leg around in a semicircular and struck Garrus in the side. He stumbled back as the peanut gallery let out a holler of approval.

"What was that you were saying about it being my last?"

Garrus grinned at her. "I want to see you do that move in a cocktail dress."

Shepard's eyebrows furrowed. "What the hell are you talking about, Garrus?"

"Tali said she saw you sparring in a cocktail dress," Garrus said defensively as the pair began to circle each other again.

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid that might have been the induction port talking," Tali said innocently.

Garrus swung, Shepard ducked then rolled under him, sprung to her feet, pivoted, drew her leg back and drove her foot into the Turian's back, sending him flying forward, but he remained on his feet and spun to face her with a smile.

The elevator doors opened, Vega and Cortez stepped off. Both of the fighters were too busy concentrating on one another to notice the new arrivals, but Kaidan studied them. The Lieutenant's eyes narrowed as he surveyed the situation. By the expression on his face, he was unaware that this match was taking place.

"That's interesting," Kaidan thought.

"The induction port? Or the amount of brandy sucked through the induction port?" Shepard grunted as she blocked a right hook then leaned back to avoid the upper cut.

"Or maybe Tali has some deep, dark fantasy about seeing Shepard spar in a dress?" Kaidan inquired.

"Maybe the induction port caused her to confuse Shepard and Garrus and it's really the Turian she wants to see sparring in a dress," Joker surmised.

"I want to see Shepard spar in a cocktail dress," James stated. The sound of his voice caused Shepard to lose her concentration. She looked over in his direction and Garrus took advantage of the distraction as he rushed her with a flurry of punches and kicks that dropped Shepard to the mat. James grimaced, knowing he was the cause for her current location.

Garrus towered over top of her, "Is that all you got, Shepard?"

"Not even close," Shepard smirked, as she quickly wrapped her legs around Garrus' then rolled in the opposite direction, causing Garrus to lose his footing bringing him down on his side. She used the time it took for Garrus to recover to get back to her feet.

"Here's an idea, let's have Liara and Shepard spar against each other in dresses," Joker suggested.

"Here's an idea, you bend over Joker, and I'll stick my foot up your arse," Shepard countered as she sprung to her feet and stood in a side stance as Garrus advanced on her. When he was in reach, she pivoted to the side, rolled past him, came up behind him. Shepard spun, placed her weight on her back leg and brought her leg up, pulled back, then with all of her weight behind the kick, drove it hard into Garrus' back, sending him to the mat.

"Sweet move," Cortez muttered.

She immediately pounced on top of him, her arm wrapped around his throat, cutting off his air supply. Garrus rolled so that they were both on their backs, but his weight was on top of her, crushing her. Garrus pulled his head as far forward as he could then drove it back, Shepard anticipated the move and moved her head to the side.

"Y-you're going to pass out before you crush me to death, Garrus," Shepard huffed.

Both of their faces were turning red, but clearly Garrus was the more desperate one for oxygen. He tapped the mat three times and Shepard released her hold on him. He rolled off her, coughing and gasping for breath.

"I don't know Shepard. I would pay good credits to see that match, especially if you sparred like you just did," Garrus choked.

"You and the entire galaxy," Kaidan stated and watched as Vega shifted uncomfortably at the thought.

_**xxXxx**_

Kaidan paced around the war room, watching the video of the battle taking place down on Rannoch that EDI had piped in from Shepard, James and Tali's helmet cameras. The fighting was intense, but Shepard looked strong both physically and mentally. He could see the determination in her eyes to free Tali's homeworld from the Geth and return it to her people.

He studied Vega closely and was pleased to see that the marine remained focused on the mission and wasn't distracted with the need to protect her. Kaidan knew firsthand the type of discipline and concentration that it took to fight beside her and battle the need to keep her safe and protect her. He admired the marine's self control...well, until all hell broke loose.

Kaidan had breathed a sigh of relief when Legion landed the shuttle and retrieved the team from the laser blasts of the Reaper. Shepard had damaged the damn thing with the shuttle's gun and they had the opportunity to escape, but when she ordered Legion to pull over Kaidan felt fear grip his heart.

"Shepard Commander?" Legion questioned.

"Do it Legion!"

"What the hell are you thinking?" Vega questioned and through Shepard's camera, Kaidan saw the same fear that he knew was on his own face.

"Aaah man, I've seen that look before," Garrus grunted as he shot Kaidan a knowing look.

"If we run away, the Geth stay under Reaper control," Shepard calmly stated.

"Shepard...it's suicide to face that thing head on," Tali exclaimed.

"Tali, if we don't take this thing down now the Quarian are dead," Shepard replied.

"She's right," Garrus said.

"I know," Kaidan admitted.

"Shepard...do it from the air...not on the ground," Vega reasoned, trying to control the panic in his voice...and failing.

"I can't get the laser to lock on the Reaper from the air. I need to do it as a ground assault," Shepard argued back.

"Well, I'm the marine, I should handle the ground strike," Vega countered.

"Stand down, Lieutenant, this is my mission," Shepard ordered.

"Lola...please..." Vega begged as the man's need to protect her overtook him. Both he and Garrus immediately stiffened at the use of his pet name for her in the middle of a operation.

Kaidan watched Shepard as that damn self doubt flickered across her face, fueling his own anger. She needed to do this, she needed to face down the enemy that had been dogging her for three years and she needed to prove to herself that she could defeat this monster.

Kaidan grabbed the headset and pushed the button that linked into Shepard's earpiece. "Shepard, you can do this. You have faced down worse and have come out on top. Think about that little boy that these bastards blew out of the sky, think about Anderson fighting with everything he has on Earth. Now use that to fuel your rage and take that fucker down!"

A slight smile spread across her lips as her eyes began to dance with a burning fire for revenge. He had seen that look before...many times and he actually had a moment of sympathy for the damn Reaper.

"That's my girl," he thought.

"That's my girl," Garrus stated and smiled over at Kaidan.

She pressed her headset, "EDI, patch the Quarians into the Normandy's weapon system. I want the targeting laser system synced with the whole damn fleet."

"Yes, Commander."

"Good luck, Shepard," Tali said as the shuttle door closed.

"Shepard to Fleet! I'll paint the weak spot! Link up with the Normandy. Be ready to fire!" She ordered as she raced toward the ledge of the cliff. He watched with his heart in his throat as she rolled, whirled and ran her ass off as she faced down her nemesis and successfully brought it down. The conversation she had with the dying Reaper had chilled him to the bone, but he heard a renewed resilience and resolve in her voice as she informed it that together they would defeat all of them. Then he watched with pride as she negotiated peace with the Geth and the Quarians. Something he never thought he would see... the day that these two races found peace. However, it came at a price as Legion sacrificed himself to bring about true freedom for the Geth. Kaidan knew this new loss would cut her deep.

Now, he patiently waited in the shuttle bay with the rest of the crew to welcome back the conquering hero. He knew Shepard would hate the fanfare, but the crew watching her defeat the Reaper had done more for their moral then a week of shore leave and several cases of whiskey ever could. They now believed they could win and they needed to see, to touch, to embrace the one person that had cemented that belief.

Kaidan knew all along she could do it. He may have doubted her and what Cerberus had done to her, but he never doubted her abilities. He had seen her accomplish far too much to ever doubt her skills, but there was one man in her life, who because of his growing feelings for her, did doubt her and if Vega didn't learn to control his fear of losing her, was going to get her killed.

As they emerged from the shuttle, loud cheers went up and he watched as Shepard's face turned deep red as the crew welcomed her back with tight embraces and loud applause. However, Kaidan never took his eyes off of the Lieutenant as he walked down the shuttle ramp. There was conflict in the man's expression. It was a combination of pride, awe and fear. It was the latter that concerned him.

"Do you want me to handle this?" Garrus asked from behind him.

Kaidan thought about the conversation that Garrus had with him all those years ago, over a situation very similar to this one. Over several beers, as a friend, Garrus helped him come to terms with and balance his need to protect her, while allowing her be who she was. Kaidan and Vega would never be friends, but the man needed hear what he had to say.

"Nah, I got this," Kaidan stated.

The Turian chuckled, "If you say so, but if you aren't up in the mess hall in a few minutes cracking open a celebratory beer, I'll have Joker check to make sure that Vega didn't space your ass out an airlock."

Kaidan laughed. "Thanks, I appreciate that."

As the group made their way across the bay floor toward the elevator, Kaidan called out, "Vega!"

The lieutenant spun to face him. "Do you have a moment?" Kaidan asked.

"Well, Major I was hoping for the refreshing feel of water and soap, not a conversation."

"This won't take long," Kaidan replied.

Vega's eyes narrowed on him. He must have seen the determination in Kaidan's eyes, "Fine," he sighed as he made his way over to him.

Kaidan was a few inches taller than Vega, but the man easily outweighed him by fifty pounds...fifty pounds of solid muscle. One solid punch and Kaidan would be knocked out for a week. Maybe it was a dumb idea not to let Garrus talk to the marine.

"You wanted to speak to me, Major," Vega said with an edge to his voice.

"Yes, I want you to explain to me, what the hell was that shit you pulled down on Rannoch!"

"What shit in particular are you referring to, _Major_?" The tension building in his voice.

"The shit where you questioned your Commanding Officer's decision and then proceeded to make it personal, by using a pet name for her while on a mission."

"I don't see where this is any of your concern," Vega replied.

"You jeopardized the mission..."

Vega's jaw tensed and his face hardened with anger. "Are you speaking to me as a superior officer or is this conversation man to man?"

Kaidan stared long and hard at the man before replying. "This is man to man."

"Then why the hell is this any of your business?"

"There is an uncertainty to her now that never used to be there..."

"Well, you can thank yourself for that," James interjected.

"Yes, I had something to do with that, but it just wasn't me that put that doubt there. It is everything that she has been through over the past several years. Some men find that vulnerability attractive because it meets some primal need to be the big strong man and protect what is theirs."

"That's bullshit!"

"No it isn't! I've seen the way you look at her whenever she weavers with doubt. Its a turn on for you..."

"That's it! We're through with his conversation!" Vega turned to leave.

"You're going to get her killed!" Kaidan bellowed at the retreating soldier, stopping him dead in his tracks.

He spun to face him. "What! I'm going to get her killed! I heard your whole conversation with her. You're the one who sent her after the Reaper. I was trying to make her see how crazy the idea was and you practically sent her on a suicide mission."

"Before you knew her, before you loved her, Vega, when the story of how she faced down a Reaper made it into the barracks, would you have thought it crazy or would you have admired her, wanting to know where she got the balls to do the things that she does?"

The question hung in the air unanswered.

"I know damn well that you and every other Alliance soldier that hears about Rannoch will think all the above about her and they will be correct in their assumptions. She is a little crazy...you would have to be to do the things that she has done, but she is also very calculating and very skilled. She takes risks, but she has excellent instincts. I'm sure you've noticed she is a very capable soldier and she doesn't need you to protect her."

"Those instincts didn't save her before and neither did you," Vega accused tapping into Kaidan's own guilt over not saving her last time.

Kaidan hardened his stare at the man, ignoring his jab. "What she did on Rannoch is who she is, Vega and taking on the Geth, Saren, Sovereign or the Reapers is what she does. She needed to face that Reaper today, she needed to take it head-on and defeat it, so that she would believe that she can defeat them...so that she would believe that we can win and her crew needed to see her do it so that they will willingly follow her into battle. If you are going to be with her, you need to put aside your fear of losing her and do what is best for her. Either accept who she is or walk away from her. If you don't you're going to get her killed."

Something he said must have registered with the man as he hung his head and slowly shook it. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because even if she isn't with me, I want her to live. I can't watch her die again, I won't live through the experience again, but more importantly she has to believe in herself and her mission. There is no room for doubt here, James. There will be no second chance this time. Her life is on the line."

There was a long pause before he replied. "Thank you...you have given me a lot to think about."

"That is all that I ask...that you think about how your actions affect her."

Kaidan watched the man as he slowly make his way over to the elevator. He hoped that his words had the same profound effect on Vega as Garrus' had on him.

**A/N – Thank you to everyone that has added this story to their favs and alert lists. It warms my heart to know that you are enjoying my little tale. A huge shout out to everyone who took the time to write review; your thoughts and opinions bring a smile to my face.**

***A big thanks to the randy minx, Jinxy, for being the most shagadelic beta ever. You are the best, my dear!**


	9. Chapter 9 Stripped

**Chapter 9 – Stripped**

"Come with me into the trees, we'll lay on the grass and let the hours pass

Take my hand come back to the land, let's get away just for one day

Let me see you stripped, down to the bone

Let me see you stripped, down to the bone

Metropolis as nothing on this, you're breathing in fumes I taste when we kiss

Take my hand come back to the land, where everything's ours for a few hours

Let me see you stripped, down to the bone

Let me see you stripped, down to the bone"

_Stripped by Shiny Toy Guns_

Anger seethed through James' veins as he made his way to the showers. It wasn't because Alenko had stuck his nose in where it didn't belong and it wasn't because it was obvious that the Major was still in love with her. It was because the bastard had been right. The moment that he had begged her not to face that Reaper and let him take her place, he knew he had made a critical mistake and instantly regretted it. He had allowed his feelings for her, his fear of losing her to impair his judgment.

Fucking Alenko had also been right that if he wasn't in love with Shepard that what she had done on Rannoch would have struck him dumb with awe…truth be told, it still did. What she had achieved down there was miraculous and it made him love her all the more. Before he had met Shepard, he had admired her, was in awe of the things that she had accomplished and wondered where she got the courage to do the things that she had done. Once he had met her he discovered that at her core, she was a soldier just like him. For both of them, it was the fight, the thrill of the battle and the military strategy that gave them that rush.

Intellectually, he knew she was an outstanding soldier, that she was capable of taking care of herself and had done so for a long time before he had come along, but it was his heart that struggled to accept that. His fear of losing her sent all logic out the window. He needed her in a way that he had once thought he would never need someone. She brought him peace, soothed his troubled soul and the thought of losing her was unbearable.

The bastard had been right about another thing, those rare moments of vulnerability were a huge fucking turn-on, but not for the reasons that Alenko had stated. It wasn't some fucked up primal caveman urge to protect what was his. It was because Shepard, who was a rock, immoveable and an emotional blank canvas when she was around others, allowed him to witness and be a part of those rare moments that she opened herself up, exposing who she truly was. He found those moments priceless. However, as much as it pained him, Alenko was right. If he fed those moments of doubt, if he questioned her decision, she could begin to second guess herself. She had excellent instincts, but if she doubted them for even a minute, it could get her killed. Again the prick was right, there was no room for doubt, there would be no second chances this time and at this stage in the war, her life was on the line with every choice, every decision she made. He needed to step up to the plate and be the man that she needed him to be.

James quickly dried off, got dressed and headed for her quarters. He needed to talk with her, to set things right and to let her know he would never question her decisions again. When he pressed the button for her floor, EDI informed him that she was still in the Crew Lounge. He walked across the hall, entered the room and his heart stopped. Shepard was near the door, her hand resting on Alenko's arm, her eyes shining as she looked up at the Major.

"Thank you, Kaidan… for what you said to me earlier… I appreciate it."

"Anytime Shepard; I'm just glad I was there to remind you that we were due for a little retribution and you were just the girl we needed to kick a little Reaper ass," Alenko chuckled.

"Fucking pendenjo," James thought.

Shepard laughed. "It was a long time coming."

"It most certainly was. How did it feel?"

A roguish grin spread across her face. "Damn good!"

James ignored them as he pushed down his jealousy. He reminded himself that the two of them had seen a lot of shit together, but that it was over between them. She was with him now. She had made the decision to be with him and…and he might have fucked that up because he panicked.

Fuck! He needed a drink and headed for the bar. He pulled the bottle of tequila out, poured a shot, slammed it back, and then poured another.

"Looking to get drunk?" Garrus asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, of all the forms of consciousness, right now I find sobriety the most overrated," James grunted.

"Most people who don't want to be sober, don't want to face their feelings," Garrus stated.

James glanced over at Shepard who was still talking with Alenko. He gulped down the shot and poured another. "That's a pretty accurate statement, Scars."

Garrus' eyes followed James stare and the Turian slowly shook his head. "A woman drove me to drink once…I should have sent her flowers to thank her."

"Who said I'm drinking cause of a woman?" James said as he drained the shot glass and poured another.

"You're not? So you just decided you didn't need your current liver?"

"Is there a point to this conversation, Garrus?"

"There are more important things in life than getting drunk."

"Yes, but getting drunk sort of compensates for not getting them," James retorted.

"But you do have her, James. The question is can you keep her?" Garrus asked.

James drew in a deep breath then sighed. "I'm trying to."

"Well, getting drunk and making an ass out of yourself won't help your cause."

"I haven't made an ass out of myself," James said defensively.

"The way you're putting away those shots it's only a matter of time. Go sleep it off Vega and then talk to her in the morning," Garrus advised.

James watched as Shepard and Kaidan made their way over to Tali and Joker. Anger, jealousy, and pain all raced through him. He knew he was overacting and that more than anything it was the alcohol that was fueling his emotions. So he resisted the urge to walk over and sucker punch Alenko. Instead he took one last shot then quietly eased out of the lounge and made his way to his quarters that he shared with Cortez. James was happy to discover that the pilot wasn't there. James didn't recall seeing him in the lounge either, so he must be down working on the shuttle.

James pulled off his shirt and stripped off his pants.

"Mmmm, talk about a room with a view," Shepard cooed from behind him.

James spun around to see her standing in his doorway. Her head was tilted to one side and she had the cutest lop sided grin on her face. James just wanted to pull her into his arms, but anger still simmered just below the surface and he knew now was not a good time to have the discussion that they needed to have.

"Damn it, Shepard, you ever hear of knocking?" James asked sounding gruffer than he had intended.

"It's my ship. I didn't realize I had to knock, especially at your door," she replied coyly.

"Unlike you, I share a room. What if Cortez had been in here?"

"I knew he wasn't. He had just come into the lounge when I was leaving." She stepped closer to him and he took a step back. She raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"What's the matter, James? I won't bite…unless you really want me too."

His groin immediately reacted to her words and the way she was moving her body as she sauntered closer to him. He knew they needed to talk, but Garrus had been right, he didn't want to do that now after all the alcohol he had drunk.

"Shepard…"

"Shepard? What… no Lola? You had no problem calling me by my nickname earlier today," she cooed pleasantly, but there was definitely an underlying tone to her words. She stepped closer to him and ran her hands down his chest.

"Look Shepard…Lola…I'm sorry about that…I really am and I want to talk to you about that, but I don't think now is the best time." He stepped back from her and felt the back of his knees hit his bed.

"Oh James, I believe now is the perfect time. You have been a very niño malo," she purred as she pushed him down on the bed.

His groin throbbed as she straddled him, swirled her hips against his and rested her hands on his chest. She was driving him crazy, but he needed to set things right with her while he was still thinking with the right head. He grabbed her wrists and pulled her down to him, forcing her to look at him.

"Lola," he said, his voice hoarse with desire. She stared into his eyes as he released her wrists and his arms encircled her waist. "I am sorry that I made the mission personal, that I questioned your decision and caused any kind of doubt in you."

She sat up and slowly began to remove the belt from her pants. He gulped hard, she smiled at him, raised an eyebrow and purred, "Don't let me distract you, you were on a roll. Please continue."

"Lola… te adoro …"

She must have heard the pain in his voice because she had just freed the belt from her pants, but she paused and looked at him.

He slid his hands up her side and cupped her face, "My reaction today was out of fear. I fear losing you and I fear trying to live without you. I reacted badly, but I need you to know that not for one moment have I ever doubted you or your abilities on the battlefield. I vow to you from this moment forward, I will never allow my fear impair my judgment again."

Her features softened as she gently stroked his cheek. "James, we all die sometime. The goal isn't to live forever; the goal is to create something that will. You need to accept that this is who I am. Staring down that Reaper today, I realized that defeating them is what I was born to do and I very well may die in the process. You need to accept that James and come to terms with it or else this isn't going to work."

Pain ripped through him at the thought of her dying, but he knew it was true. Anyone of them could die on the next mission. As a soldier he knew this, now he just had to accept this.

She leaned down and began feathering kisses down his neck as she ran her hands up his arms and moved them over his head, moving quicker than he thought humanly possible, she looped her belt around his wrists then secured them to the metal rods of the headboard. She ran her tongue down his neck to his chest. Then she sat up and looked down at him with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"I forgive you James for your indiscretion earlier, but I do believe your insubordination still requires some form of punishment."

James' eyes darkened with hunger as she swirled her hips against his aching groin.

"Castígame," he growled.

"Oh, have no fear, I plan on punishing you." She grinned at him as she pressed her pelvis hard against his erection and her lips danced down his neck to his chest. Her teeth lightly grazed his nipple before her lips closed over it and drew it taut. He groaned.

He wanted to bury his hands in her hair, caress her back and that luscious ass of hers, but as his hands strained against the restraints, he groaned in frustration.

Her lips followed the path down his stomach, she pulled his boxers off and threw them to floor as she reached for him and wrapped her warm velvety hand around him. His head fell back as her hot and firm fingers slid over him, stroking him and the fire now coursing through him. He was so lost in the sensation of her touch that he hadn't even realized she had moved between his legs, until he felt the moist warmth of her mouth. He looked down just in time to watch her tongue curl around the tip of his erection, before she took him completely into her mouth. He groaned and was completely captivated as he watched her take in the length of him and jerked suddenly as her tongue swirled around him.

"Lola," he moaned as his hips involuntarily surged forward.

His eyes never left her as she gripped him with her beautiful lips, basking in the heat of her mouth as he struggled to remain in control, as the rhythm of her strokes increased. Fuck, she felt incredible. His body ached from the heat of her touch and he let out a growl as she looked up at him, her mouth enfolded tightly around him. She laced her tongue around him again and it took every ounce of strength not to release into her.

"Lola, you're trying to kill me."

She acted like she hadn't heard him and she continued to tease him till he was on the brink of cuming, then her mouth would relax long enough for him to calm down before she would do it again. She would pull at him, suck at him until he was begging for release. His hands fisted around the restraints as his hips grew more urgent, moving helplessly in time with her mouth. Her hand tenderly stroked the weights between his legs as she took him deep her mouth until he was so enraptured with pleasure he couldn't think straight.

"Oh fuck, Lola, finish it or let me have you," he cried out as his hips thrust forward.

Her soft taunting laughter sent him even closer to the edge, but she complied as her mouth released him.

She stood up and grinned, "Now a true punishment would be if I left you here in your current condition, tied up, unable to find any satisfaction."

His eyes went wide. "You wouldn't!"

"Wouldn't I?"

"Lola…please," he begged.

"I'll stay on one condition."

"Anything!"

She slowly pulled her shirt over her head and as his eyes roamed over her curves James' breath began to quicken as his cock jumped at the sight of her delicious body. She leisurely removed her bra, pants and lace thong. He pulled against belt, maddened with need for her. She straddled him, but didn't slide down onto him. He could feel her heat radiating off her. His hips bucked and he moaned when he felt her wet curls.

She shook her head as she leaned up on her knees. "Tsk, tsk, I haven't told you my condition."

"Fuck Lola, anything…I just need to be in you."

She leaned over him, her mouth mere inches from his, "Hables sucio a mi," she whispered as the warmth of her breath brushed across his lips.

He smiled at her, "Quiero estar dentro de ti."

"So do I," she cooed.

He was so hard that by the time she straddled him again, he thought he might shatter. The moment he entered her, fire burned through him and his vision actually blurred as her heat enfolded him, her muscles contracting around him. She began to move slowly against him and as she glided back and forth she gripped him with each stroke, causing him to shudder with pleasure. The yearning to touch her, but not being able to was such sweet torture. His hips thrust into her as she arched her back, her beautiful breasts swaying rhythmically with each movement. She felt fantastic, but his body was now demanding release and he needed to deeper inside her.

"Fuck…Lola…I need to touch you…please," he begged.

She stared deeply into his honey brown eyes for a long moment before she took mercy on him and loosened the belt. The moment his hands were free they were around her waist as he flipped her over and was on top of her. He slipped between her legs and she raised her hips to meet him as he slid back into her. At first he began to move in long, slow thrusts, but as she wrapped her legs around his waist so that she can take him in deeper his pace picked up.

His one hand held her wrist above her head while the other was entangled in her hair. He moaned into her throat and ear, "Lola, mi amor " over and over again like a prayer as he worshiped her body with his.

She arched her back as her hips pushed forward against him. He reached down between them to caress her hot center. He felt her body tense at the same time his did and they rode the wave together as she called out his name again and again. He collapsed against her as he panted hard into her hair, both of them glistening with sweat.

He kissed the side of her neck as he rolled off of her, pulling her onto his chest as he laughed. "I was expecting you to be pretty pissed about Rannoch, not to come in here all Mistress Spanks-a-lot May I Have Another."

Shepard laughed. "Wow! That name is a real mouthful. I dare you to say that three times fast"

James laughed as she paused as she collected her thoughts. "I was pissed James. For a lot of reasons, but I think what hurt the most was that you doubted me..."

"Lola, I told you I never doubted you or your skills...it was my fear..."

"I know," she interrupted. "I realized that and that is why I couldn't remain angry at you. I may look like a cold hearted bitch..."

"Never! I've never thought that about you and the men and women that follow you wouldn't do so if they thought that. You mask your feelings well, you compartmentalize very well, but it's because you care so deeply that you fight."

She lifted her head and looked at him with surprise. He smiled lovingly at her as he tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "I see you, Lola. I see the real you when you let me in."

She bowed her head as his words sank in. She tenderly ran her hand over his chest. "I understand fear, James and unfortunately I also understand loss. Every time we land in a drop zone for a mission, I know there is very good chance I may lose a member of my crew...a friend...someone I love, but the mission is more important...it has to be. I have to push those fears aside and focus on the overall big picture. A good friend once told me, 'Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the mastery of it'."

"Who told you that?"

"Anderson."

"Wise man."

"Yes, he is," she said as she stood up and began getting dressed.

He hated the thought of her leaving, of not having her warm body pressed against his through the night, but he knew Cortez would be back before long.

She leaned down, kissed him then whispered, "Good night, mi niño malo."

"Good night, Lola."

_**xxXxx**_

Fear...Courage...Fear...Courage. These two words were on a continuous loop in his brain as he fought beside Shepard toward the asari temple. They battled through husks, marauders and ravagers as Reapers attacked all around them. James had a sickening feeling that the exact same thing was happening on Earth at this very moment. That thought fueled his rage, pushed his fear of losing her down and gave him the courage to fight even harder.

As they entered the temple there was an eerie silence that raised the hairs on the back of James' neck. They worked their way to the front of the room and discovered the bodies of the scientist. They were not killed by reapers, but their throats had clearly been cut. They were murdered.

James quickly spun around surveying the room, but they were alone. When he turned back, Shepard had gone completely still, her eyes closed as if listening to something. Liara was droning on about their goddess, completely unaware that Shepard had slipped into some type of trance. James' heart began to pound in his chest, he was just about to reach for her when she spun to face them.

"There is a Prothean Beacon here," Shepard declared.

"What? Are you sure?" Liara asked.

"Trust me; the Protheans tapping into your mind is not something you easily forget."

"I don't understand, why hide this?" Liara asked truly baffled.

"Isn't obvious? The asari wanted to remain the superior race," James grunted.

"I can't believe my people would keep this a secret," Liara stated defensively.

"It would explain why the asari are so advanced and you did say this temple is several millennia old," Shepard replied.

They had discovered that when Liara tapped into some data streams near the beacon, that there was a connection to the statue of the goddess as jets of green light poured out towards it. After searching the temple, they discovered other connections. When the last link was made, the statue crumbled to the ground revealing the beacon. Shepard quickly accessed it and a ball of glowing green light shot out.

Anger ripped through James as the Prothean hologram spoke of the demise of its race and so causally spoke of the upcoming extinction of this galaxy. Shepard refused to allow her emotions to come into the conversation as she skillfully tried to retrieve as much information as possible regarding the Crucible and the Catalyst.

The hologram closed up when it detected an enemy...not just any enemy, the assassin that had killed Thane and who had threatened to do the same to Shepard. James wasn't going to let the bastard anywhere near her.

Kai Leng had brought a message from the Illusive Man who obviously had gone completely insane as he tried to convince Shepard not to destroy the Reapers, but to control them. When she refused to come around to his way of thinking, the Illusive Man disappeared, leaving them only to contend with Kai Leng. Perfect! Three on one!

The fight had been long and brutal, but the tide was beginning to turn their way until a gunship showed up and began to blast the temple to hell. A pillar collapsed near him. As James dove for cover, he watched as the floor beneath Shepard's feet begin to give way. James struggled to get to his feet only to discover that his legs were pinned beneath debris. Every nightmare he ever had of losing her was coming to life right before his eyes. Fear threatening to overtake him, but he pushed it down.

"Shepard!" He bellowed as he desperately tried to free himself.

Everything began to move in slow motion, Shepard sliding over a pillar, falling to the ground, scrambling to her feet as the floor cracked loudly, giving way beneath her, her hands frantically grasping the side of the slanted floor, struggle to pull herself up, another loud snapping sound before the floor and Shepard plunged over the side.

"NOOOO!" James yelled.

"Cerberus thanks you for all your hard work," Kai Leng said sarcastically as he made his way to the beacon.

"Fuck you," James growled as he reached for his gun and aimed it at the back of the assassin's head. Before he could pull the trigger a loud crackle came from above, James felt a chunk of concrete slam into the back of his head before everything went black.

Slowly consciousness began to pull James from the darkness. He heard the sound of monitors beeping and the soothing sound Dr. Chakwas' voice as she issued orders to those around her. His head was fucking killing him. He kept his eyes closed, hoping that not focusing and no light would help relieve some of the pain.

What happened? He remembered the asari temple...the hologram...the Illusive Man...and then the memory came rushing back to him as a tidal wave of pain stabbed straight through him. Shepard...oh fuck no...please no...the image of her face as she scrambled to gain traction to pull herself up, her eyes meeting his just before the floor broke away...she was gone...his beautiful Lola was gone. He felt his warm tears run down his face as his body began to shake with grief, his sorrow reaching the point of physical pain.

A warm hand tenderly touched his arm, "James, are you in pain?"

His eyes shot open and her lovely emerald green eyes were staring down at him. "Lola...you're alive."

"That woman has more lives than a cat," Dr. Chakwas said from behind her.

Shepard gently wiped away his tears, "Are you in pain?" She asked again.

His breath was ragged with emotion and he knew his voice sounded shaky when he spoke, but he looked into her face...a face that just a few minutes ago he thought he would never see again and said, "I was, but I'm not anymore."

* * *

><p><strong>AN - Spanish lesson for the day - niño malo- naughty boy, Castígame – punish me, Hables sucio a mi – talk dirty to me, Quiero estar dentro de ti – I want to be inside you.**

***"We all die. The goal isn't to live forever; the goal is to create something that will." Chuck Palahniuk - "Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the mastery of it." Mark Twain**

***As always I need thank my Beta Goddess, Jinxy for her unique talent of making me look good. You Rock, sister!**


	10. Chapter 10 You're My Best Friend

**Chapter 10 – You're My Best Friend**

"Ooo, you make me live, whatever this world can give to me, it's you, you're all I see

Ooo, you make me live now honey, ooo, you make me live

You're the best friend that I ever had, I've been with you such a long time

You're my sunshine and I want you to know that my feelings are true,

I really love you, you're my best friend ooo, you make me live

I've been wandering round, but I still come back to you

In rain or shine, you've stood by me girl, I'm happy, happy at home, you're my best friend.

Ooo, you're making me live, whenever this world is cruel to me, I've got you to help me forgive

Ooo, you're making me live, you're the first one when things turn out bad

You know I'll never be lonely, you're my only one

And I love the things, I really love the things that you do

You're my best friend, ooo, you make me live.

I'm happy, happy at home, you're my best friend"

_You're My Best Friend by Queen_

Kaidan had been in the med bay when they had brought Vega in. The man had been badly beaten up. From the vid cameras, the three of them had definitely taken a beating from Kai Leng. The assassin made Kaidan's blood run cold with anger and the thought of revenge. The Illusive man's henchman would pay for going after Shepard…he felt pretty confident that both he and Vega were making that solemn vow.

What had really moved Kaidan was the tears of grief the marine had shed when he briefly thought that Shepard was dead. Kaidan could understand grief and heartache over losing her…hell he had lost her twice, Vega had only thought he lost her a mere matter of moments. The two just didn't compare. It was evident that Vega loved Shepard that he would do anything for her. Kaidan thought that Vega was a little too immature for Shepard and at times a little too irreverent, but maybe for now his easygoing, charismatic personality was what Shepard needed when so much was weighing on her. However, with so little time left before they headed back to Earth and the outcome of that upcoming battle so uncertain, Kaidan continued to work at rebuilding their friendship and trust.

Due to the high metabolism that their biotics caused, Kaidan and Shepard found themselves together on a regular basis at three in the morning, running laps in the cargo bay together, sharing a middle of the night snack or doing both. Kaidan had come to cherish these moments with her because at that time of night, most of the ship's crew was asleep and it was uninterrupted time for the two of them. The trust that both of them had once had in each other, which had been weakened to the point of snapping, was slowly starting to heal and strengthen. She was letting her guard down around him and he saw hints of the old Shepard beginning to emerge when she was alone with him. When she was relaxed and at ease, her quick witted humor, inappropriate remarks and flirtatious nature all came to the surface, reminding him of why he had fallen in love with her and why he now ached for all that he had lost. She was his opposite in so many ways, but that is why they had been so good together, they had complimented each other's strengths and weaknesses. She was the yin to his yang, the rhythm to his rhyme… then he smiled as he thought she was the Tennille to his Captain, the cream in his coffee, the bullets to his gun.

Yet as much as he enjoyed her being herself with him once again, what pleased him even more was that she was once again confiding in him about missions, strategizing and developing upcoming battle plans together, just as they had when they had served on the first Normandy together. She trusted him enough to discuss her preparations for a mission and that alone spoke volumes about how far their relationship had come.

The last time they were on the Citadel, Kaidan had heard about the day that Garrus had spent with her shooting bottles at the top of the Citadel. The Turian and Shepard had been close friends ever since she brought the ex C-Sec officer on as one of her crew and Kaidan knew that with their futures so unclear that the memories that the two of them had forged that day would carry them through the upcoming battles. Kaidan wanted to create similar memories with her. He wanted just one day, one day alone with her, without the pressures of the war, of command, of current relationships, one day to spend alone with her as her friend.

When they had docked on Illium to pick up supplies, Kaidan decided to seize the opportunity to have Shepard all to himself for one day. He had sent her note asking her to meet him at the transportation docks. The weekend that they had spent in Napa Valley together they had joked that they wanted to take an intergalactic wine tasting trip together; visiting a few of Illium's wineries was not the grandiose trip they had envisioned, but it would be a good start.

He had not told her about his plans for the day, only that he had a surprise for her, to dress comfortably and to let EDI know that she would be gone for most of the day. Surprisingly, she had agreed, however, now as he nervously glanced at his watch and noticed that she was twenty minutes late he hoped that she hadn't changed his mind. He looked up just as she entered the transportation bay. She wore tight fitting black slacks, a body-hugging cropped red sweater with a black leather jacket over top. He knew the jacket was to cover the guns that she was undoubtedly carrying. She looked fantastic.

She smiled as she walked up to him. "I'm sorry I'm late. I had an unexpected complication come up that I needed to take care of first."

Kaidan's eyes narrowed as he wondered if the "unexpected complication" was Vega. If she had told him who she was spending the day with, Kaidan could only imagine the marine's reaction. He knew that he would be less than thrilled if the roles were reversed.

"It's fine…"

She grinned at him. "What have I told you about saying you're fine? You do remember what it stands for, correct?"

He grinned back at her. "Fucked up…"

"Insecure," she added.

"Neurotic," Kaidan stated.

"And emotional," she finished.

They both laughed. "Okay, it isn't fine. I'm actually pissed. I am paying by the hour for this beauty and she isn't cheap," Kaidan said as he pointed to the sports vehicle behind them.

Shepard let out a low whistle, her eyes danced with delight as she eyed the sleek red vehicle. "You rented this for us?"

"Yep, we are traveling in style today."

"And where are you taking me?"

"Well, I thought we would start our intergalactic wine tasting trip here on Illium."

She grinned roguishly at him as the memory of that conversation flickered across her mind. Then her eyes narrowed on him. "Are you trying to get me drunk, Major?"

"Never, Commander, but if you should become intoxicated, have no fears. I will be a perfect gentleman and the only expectations that I have today is for two friends to relax, unwind and enjoy some delicious wines together," Kaidan said as he opened the passenger side door. She smiled at him then climbed in.

They were at their third winery when they decided that before they could continue tasting wine they needed to eat. They purchased a bottle of wine, some bread, cheese and meat that the winery sold, then found a cold spot under a tree.

Kaidan opened the bottle while Shepard fixed them something to eat.

"This was great, Kaidan. I really needed this and since we are heading to Horizon tomorrow, I'm glad that we have this time alone together."

The painful memory of the last time they had been on Horizon and the ugly, hateful things he had said to her rippled across his mind.

"Wow, I thought it would take at least half a day and several bottles of wine before we jump into that delightful topic. You could tell that I was trying to avoid it, couldn't you?" Kaidan said.

She nodded.

"We know each other too well, I guess," Shepard stated.

"Too well? Nah... Well, maybe. I think have a way of either pissing each other off with a passion, or knowing exactly what the other is too afraid to say." Kaidan replied.

"Like you are right now?" Shepard questioned.

"Yes."

"Well, passion was never our problem, Kaidan."

"No, but communication definitely was mine."

"Communication is a two way street, I didn't do a good job of it either. You have questions that you're afraid to ask, don't you?" Shepard asked.

"No...I trust you, Shepard."

"I didn't ask if you trust me, I asked if you have questions still."

"Well, you always knew how to cut to the heart of an issue," Kaidan stated.

"Exactly. And I smell bullshit...very distinct bullshit."

"Teg...Umhmm, I mean Shepard..."

"Kaidan it's just the two of us and we are about to have a very personal conversation, you can call me by my first name."

He smiled warmly at her, "Thank you, Teghan and thank you for your willingness to be so open with me."

"So tell me, Kaidan what do you want to know? I'm an open book."

"How did it feel when you woke up and realized that you had been dead for the last 2 years, and then magically came back to life?"

"If I had a credit for..."

"No ,no, you said I could ask anything." Kaidan replied defensively.

"No, you're right." She paused to collect her thoughts then smiled tentatively before replying.

"Hollow...empty…as if there was a huge void in my life. You hear people say all the time when they lose someone that, 'Life goes on,' but you don't realize how true that statement is until you actually face it and see that although you stopped living everyone else found a way to move on and live without you...that sounds selfish I know and that isn't how I mean it...I didn't want my friends and family to mourn me forever...oh damn it...it's hard to explain."

"It's okay. I think I can understand where you're coming from."

"No...I don't think you can...Kaidan, I died. I remember watching the Normandy be ripped apart by the Reapers as I drew in my last breaths. I remember watching the escape pod that held Joker jettison away...my last hope of survival going with him...then all of the memories of my life flashing before me, the last being the night I spent with you before Ilos then everything went black...it was your face that was the first memory that I had when I woke up in that lab..."

A single tear slipped down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. "Fuck...wine it always makes me weepy and emotional."

Kaidan was unable to speak, he had wondered if she had been conscious, if she had been afraid and he had always prayed that she hadn't been aware, that she had been knocked out. His heart ached at the thought of her knowing that she was going to die and being alone.

She quickly gathered her composure. "I knew that it had been two years for you, but it had seemed like only days for me when I woke up. Logically, I knew you would move on, I wanted you too. I wouldn't want you to spend your life grieving over me. That is what my head told my heart everyday…however, my heart has always had a listening problem and it held onto the hope that despite the two year separation, despite that I was a ghost brought back to life and despite the fact that I worked for a company that was less than humane at times, you would still lov…accept me. I should have never made those assumptions, Kaidan and I'm sorry."

Kaidan fought his own tears as all of her words sank in. No wonder she had lost all trust and faith in him after Horizon. No fucking wonder after Mars she had refused him and his declaration of love. Those words had to have sounded like such a mockery to her. He honestly didn't know what to say so he said the first thing that came to mind as he ran his hand in frustration through his hair. "Fuck...be careful what you ask for."

Shepard looked at him and began to laugh. "Well, that will teach you."

Kaidan took her hand in his. "Teg, I am so…"

"Don't you dare apologize," she interrupted. "The two of us have apologized to each other enough to last a several lifetimes. Let's just put the past behind us and move forward. Agreed?"

He smiled at her. "Agreed."

"Good, now pour me another glass of wine. All that talking has made me parched and sober," she commanded.

"Aye, aye ma'am, we can't have that," Kaidan chuckled as he did as ordered.

Horizon had been just as bad as the first time, but for completely different reasons. The experiments that Dr. Lawson had been performing on those innocent people both sickened and outraged him. Shepard had been equally disturbed by it, but her anger only fueled her need to stop Kai Leng and the Illusive Man. She was sick of Cerberus always beating them out at the last minute and the assassin's attempt on Miranda's life had been the last proverbial straw. She was taking the fight to them. Miranda had placed a tracker on Kai Leng and tomorrow they were heading into the lion's den…to remove its fucking head!

He was about to knock on her door when it opened. She looked tired, worried and troubled. "Can't sleep either?"

"Making yourself crazy won't help. You can only run through the scenarios and battle plans so many times before none of it makes sense anymore. You know this, Shepard," he reminded her.

"Kaidan, I need to…"

"Ssssh, just take five minutes to relax. Have a quick drink with me and then I'll go."

She reluctantly made her way back down to him as he poured both of them a glass of wine. He handed it to her and sat down on the sofa. "Shepard, you know that you have done everything that you could."

"Everything? I don't know…what if I'm missing something; something that could change the tide of the war."

"You aren't fighting this alone, Shepard. Look at your crew, the vastly talented men and women that are fighting by your side. What you have done since the Reapers have arrived is nothing short of miraculous. You have united an entire galaxy. Something that everyone said couldn't be done. You even convinced the Batarians to offer aid. You're amazing, Shepard. You've done all that you can, now have faith in those that have committed themselves to you and this war."

She took a long sip of her wine then she looked at him and he saw fear etched in her eyes. "I'm scared, Kaidan. If I fail it won't just result in my death or the death of my crew, but it will cost Earth…the galaxy everything."

He knew for the first time since this nightmare had begun that she was speaking of the fear that had been plaguing her since the Reapers attacked Earth, the fear that was the subconscious catalyst behind her nightmares. For months now, she had been carrying this unspoken burden, the weight of it slowly pulling her under, drowning her. He wanted to take her in his arms, ease her fear and pain as the two of them got lost in each other…but she was no longer his and he had come here tonight as a friend to offer her comfort and support. He pulled her into his arms, embraced her tightly, relishing the feel of her warm body against his.

"It's going to be alright, Teghan. We're going to win, Earth and the galaxy are going to survive."

He kissed the top of her head then released her. He stood to leave while he still had the willpower to walk away from her.

She looked up at him and smiled tenderly at him. "Thank you, Kaidan…for everything."

"I'm always here for you, Shepard, anytime you need a friend," he paused wanting to do so much more, but then he heard the door to her quarters open.

"Hope I'm not interrupting anything," Vega said sardonically from behind them.

"Nope, I was just leaving," Kaidan replied, not even glancing behind him as he held Shepard's gaze for another minute; drinking her in, memorizing every last detail about her before he turned and walked away from her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – Acronym – FINE is a reference to the Aerosmith song by the same name or a line from one of my favorite movies Ihe Italian Job. Take your pick.**

***I know this is a short chapter, but it was a pivotal and important one for Kaidan's story.**

***I also want to thank all those who have reviewed, alerted, fav'ed and those who are lurking. Please continue to share your thoughts with me, I love hearing from you and it brings a smile to my face.**

***Huge thanks and hugs to my spankalicious beta and friend, Jinxy. Thank you for always being there, for being so supportive and for being fanfreckintastic friend. You rock!**


	11. Chapter 11 Girl With The Tattoo

**Both of my betas are dealing with personal issues this week so please forgive any punctuation or grammatical errors. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to editing my own work. I promise that my beta gurus will return for the next chapter...hopefully.**

**Chapter 11 – Girl With The Tattoo**

"Those innocent eyes (eyes), that smile on your face makes it easy to trust you

If they only knew, the girl with the tattoo, like I do

Doin' what you doin' just to get you where you goin', yeah I see you, baby

Just don't lose yourself along the way, no cus you're doin' what you doin'

Just to get you where you're goin' and I see it baby

Ain't too many others gon' have shit to say, I do

Cuz I knew, the girl with the tattoo, yeah

Oh yeah I knew, the girl with the tattoo, I use to know her"

_Girl With The Tattoo by Miguel_

James had been perfectly fine when Garrus took Shepard shooting at the top of the Citadel and when Tali took her to the intergalactic sports vehicle races. He could understand with their future so uncertain the need to create one last memory with her, to have a few hours of inhibited entertainment alone with her and even those hours with her friends cut into his time alone with her, he got it. Except for Alenko; he really struggled with the idea of the Major wanting to take her out for the day and what fucking pissed him off even more was that she had agreed to go. She was in a relationship with him; she should not be going out on a date with her ex even if it was strictly platonic as she had argued.

He went to her room to discuss this with her one last time, but when he walked in and saw that she was wearing a pair of tight fitting black slacks and a body-hugging cropped red sweater that exposed her taut, creamy stomach, his anger and jealousy got the best of him.

"Is Alenko taking you to strip club?" James said sarcastically.

Shepard raised an eyebrow at him. "Not that I'm aware of, but he didn't say where we are going."

"Then why are you dressed like you're about to mount a pole?"

"Maybe I want to put all those dance lessons you gave to good use," Shepard said playfully.

"Not with him you're not!"

Her eyes narrowed on him and in cool, controlled voice she said, "I know you aren't telling me what I can and cannot do, James."

"No…but Lola, you do realize how fucked up this, don't you? He is your ex-lover…"

"He is my friend," she interrupted.

"Who is your ex-lover," James retorted.

"But he isn't my current lover," she purred as she ran her hand down his chest to his groin and stroked him through his pants. He growled at the delicious friction that she was causing. She leaned into him and pressed her lips against his neck as she whispered, "But I can guarantee, I won't be mounting anything or anyone if someone doesn't get their attitude under control."

James sighed in frustration.

"You're asking me to be understanding about you going on a date with your ex. I'm trying, but fuck, Lola do you have to look so good for him?" James grunted.

Shepard laughed. "Would you prefer that I look like a troll?"

"Yes, I would. Can you make that happen?"

She grinned at him, than she stood on her toes as she leaned up and kissed him. "You're just going to have to trust me James."

"I do trust you; it's him I don't trust."

"Do you think Kaidan's animal magnetism is going to be so powerful, so strong that it's going to completely overwhelm me to the point that I will lose all rational thought and immediately drop my pants, begging him to take me?"

"Will you drop your pants and beg me to take you?"

"Only if you stop acting like you're two and another boy just pissed in your sandbox."

James laughed as he kissed her back, this time fully capturing her lips; he greedily consumed her mouth as the feel of her lips beneath his intoxicated him. His head began to spin as his groin tightened with desire and need. It amazed him that she had this instantaneous effect on him. He slid his tongue along her bottom lip as he savored the soft velvety feel of them, silently begging her for entrance.

She moaned, as he parted her mouth, their tongues danced, entwined together and a fire licked through him, deep and low. James hands slid to the nape of her neck, drawing her harder against him, deepening the kiss. Damn, she tasted so good; he wanted nothing more than to run his tongue and lips over every inch of her body. She pressed her body against his forcing a guttural groan to escape from the back of his throat.

"Fuck Lola," he growled. "You're killing me. If you don't leave now, I'm not going to let you leave until I've had you completely which means Alenko is going to wait all fucking day."

She pulled away from him and his body immediately missed the warmth of hers. He held her hand in his and looked into her eyes. "Promise me something."

"What?"

"That before we head to Earth that I get a day with you too."

She smiled warmly at him. "I believe I can make that happen."

"Good."

Now as they stood outside the tattoo parlor, Shepard grinned up at him. "So for our date you decided to give me a tour of a tattoo parlor?"

James grinned at her as his mind flickered with the memory that had given him this idea.

_They had collapsed into each other's arms after several hours of very vigorous sex. Shepard had been running her fingers over his tattoos. "I love your tats, James. Do they symbolize something?"_

_"Well except for the N7 tat, no I just liked the design. I needed something that would fit on my bicep and neck so my friend who did the work created the design."_

_"Well, he does beautiful work," Shepard replied._

_"He has set up a tattoo parlor on Ilium next time we are there I will take you to meet him. I'm surprised that you don't have a tat, Shepard."_

_"I've never found one that I liked enough to make it a permanent part of my body."_

_James grinned at her as his fingers glided over her hip bone edging close to the finely trimmed mahogany curls. "I think right here would be the perfect place."_

_She smiled back at him. "You do? And why is that?"_

_"Because I would love to kiss and lick you there before my mouth found its way to your more…tantalizing areas. If I can think of a good tattoo for you would you consider it?"_

_"I'm not having your name tattooed on my pelvis, Vega."_

_"Damn, you shot down that idea way too quickly. Sure you won't even consider it?"_

_"Nope."_

_"Okay, I guess I'll have to come up with something a bit more creative…I'm serious though if I can come up with a design that you love will you have it done," James chuckled._

_"I will consider it," she agreed reluctantly. _

James had sent a message to Angelus, his friend designed his tattoo, describing what he had in mind for Shepard. What the talented artist had designed was even better than he could have imagined.

"I'm having a tattoo added to my forearm," James pulled her against him and slid his hand down her side to her hip. "And while we are here, I thought you might have one done in that delicious spot we talked about."

Her eyes narrowed on him. "I said I would consider it if you thought of a design I liked."

"I did," James said as he handed her a copy of the design. Her eyes widen as she studied the sketch.

"It's beautiful," she whispered.

"It's how I see you, Lola, as a survivor, a fighter, someone who always finds a way to rise above the chaos and destruction to continue on no matter what the odds are," James replied.

Shepard ran her fingers over the red, orange and yellow Phoenix with an N7 emblem on its chest. The bird was in flight as it rose from the ashes.

She looked up at him and there were tears glistening in her eyes. "You see all that?"

James tenderly caressed her hip. "Yes and I want you to have it as a reminder to you of who you are and all that you can accomplish."

Shepard slowly nodded. "Thank you, James. Okay I'll get it. What are you getting?"

"Your name," he replied as he started for the door.

She grabbed his arm and spun him to face her. "James…I appreciate the sentiment. I know that most of the crew knows we are together, but I don't think it's wise to have something so personal, so visible."

"I knew you were going to say that so I had Angelus design this," James replied as he handed her another piece of paper. She smiled as she looked at the design.

"I doubt anyone on our crew reads ancient Chinese. So Lola tattooed in those Chinese characters will keep your honor intact," he chuckled as he took her by the arm and lead her into the tattoo parlor.

As the door slide open a bell chimed announcing the arrival of new customers. A tall muscular man whose bronzed skin was covered with numerous tattoos looked up from the belly of a girl he was working on.

"Vega, mi hermano," the man bellowed excitedly as he sat down the tattoo gun, leapt to his feet and pulled James into a tight embrace.

"Angelus, long time, no see, my brother," James replied as he patted the man's back. He pulled away and turned to Shepard. "Let me introduce you to, Shepard…Shepard this is my good friend, Angelus."

Shepard smiled as she extended her hand. Angelus looked at her hand for a moment then grabbed her hand as he pulled her into a tight embrace. "This is how I properly greet the woman that has captured my brother's heart."

Shepard laughed as she returned the hug and James shot him a 'shut the fuck up' look when Shepard wasn't looking.

"So Angelus…are you an angel?" Shepard asked.

Both James and Angelus laughed and replied in unison, "No!"

"If his mother knew ahead of time all the trouble he would cause she would have named him Diablo," James chucked.

"You watch what say, Vega, I know too many of your secrets. I would hate for them to slip out in the presence of this lovely lady," Angelus warned.

Shepard lifted an eyebrow as she eyed both of them. "What do I have to do to get you to do to share a few of those with me?"

Angelus laughed. "Nothing James would permit you or me to do."

Angelus walked over to finish the girl's tattoo. "So did you like the sketches I sent, Shepard?"

"Yes, they are beautiful and well designed."

"So does that mean that I will get to leave my indelible mark on you?"

"Maybe?"

"Maybe!" Both James and Angelus exclaimed.

"What's the catch?" Angelus asked.

"Tell me a James secret," she purred.

Angelus laughed. "Ooo, I like her, Vega, beautiful, brainy and conniving…a dangerous combination."

"You have no idea," James muttered as he winked at Shepard.

"Glad to see your tastes have improved, mi hermano," Angelus stated matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, I heard he had a knack for bringing some real skanks home," Shepard replied giving Angelus a wink.

James began to choke. "What! Who told you that?"

"Are you saying it's not true?" Shepard purred.

"Hell no, it's not true," James said defensively.

"So you didn't have a thing for big, busted, small-brained women?" Shepard asked with a grin.

"Where are you getting your information?" James grunted.

"All of the women that James liked were beautiful, some even smart, but they all had to have certain amount of loco in them to really get his engines running. You seemed to have both engines functioning properly so that's an improvement," Angelus replied.

"They weren't all psycho or bimbos," James stated defensively.

Angelus eyed Shepard up and down. "Well, that maybe true, Vega. Josie might actually have given Shepard a run for her money. Let's hope you can hold onto Shepard better than you held onto her."

"Well, now we are getting somewhere. Who is Josie?" Shepard asked.

"What the bloody hell was I thinking coming here for a tattoo?" James grunted.

"Josie was this gorgeous DI when we were going through Water Survival Training. She was definitely a rebel like you Shepard and didn't have a problem breaking the fraternization rule. She flirted shamelessly with Vega, but he remained a gentleman until after we passed training…"

"I'd be damned if someone was going to accuse me of passing because I sleep with the drill instructor," James grunted.

"But once he received his certificate of completion he pounced on her like a Krogan charging a fertile female. Even once we had moved on to Land Survival Training, Josie and James remained hot and heavy. They continued to see each for almost a year, both taking leave time to visit each other at their current assignments," Angelus explained.

Shepard looked over at James who could feel the heat begin to rise in his cheeks. He didn't like talking about Josie. He had thought at the time that he had loved her, but it wasn't until he had meet Shepard that he realized that he hadn't really known or understood what true love was.

"So what happened?" Josie asked.

"Well the official story that James told everyone was that the long distance thing was too much for them to continue the relationship," Angelus stated.

"And the unofficial story?" Shepard asked.

"That she left him for a biotic that could do this vibration trick with his fingers."

Shepard's eyes widened with curiosity. "Vibration trick? Do tell!"

"Oh, God! Not you too... What the fuck is it with you girls and things that go bzzz?" James demanded.

"I'm just curious, James. No need to get your non-vibrating fingers in a wad?"

"According to the stories told over shots at the local watering hole, this biotic had been able to channel energy into his fingers which caused them to vibrate. Women seemed to enjoy this when he touched them in very specific areas," Angelus said with a smirk.

Shepard grinned. "I'm sure they did. I'm going to have to give that a try."

Both men's eyes went wide, but Shepard wiggled her fingers at them. "With my own biotics and fingers, boys."

James eyes darkened with desire. "I want to be there for that."

"Maybe, if you're a good boy," Shepard said with a wink.

"Yep, I definitely like her, she's a keeper, Vega."

"I already knew that," James replied.

"So how did you and James meet?" Shepard asked.

"We went through OTS together then we were lucky enough to receive matching orders and serve in the same Special Forces unit."

"You served on Fehl Prime together?" Shepard asked.

"For a time," James replied.

"I was sent on a covert mission about two weeks before Fehl Prime was hit…it still burns my ass that I wasn't there," Angelus grunted.

"Here's to us," James said.

"Who's like us," Angelus continued.

"Damn few and their all dead," Shepard concluded.

Angelus smiled at her. "You're alright, Shepard."

Shepard raised an eyebrow, "You aren't so bad yourself, Diablo."

Both men burst out laughing.

When all was said and done both James and Shepard walked away sporting brand new tattoos and much to his relief most of James secrets were still intact. When they arrived back on the Normandy, Shepard told him that she needed some time to finalize the plans for the mission tomorrow. They made plans for him to join her there in a few hours.

Several hours later, after a hot meal and shower he made his way to her room. Weeks ago, she had granted him access to her quarters. He had taken that as a good sign. Now as he entered his heart nearly stopped as his stomach leapt into his throat.

Alenko was there, a bottle of wine on the table and two empty glasses. When the Major leaned in and kissed her, his hands clenched into fists and all he could think about was the satisfaction he would feel when his fist sunk into the side of Alenko's face.

"Hope I'm not interrupting," James grunted as he walked into the room.

"Nope, I was just leaving," Alenko said, not even giving him the courtesy of facing him. The Major looked at Shepard for a long moment before he turned and left.

"What did he want?" James growled sounding more bothered by the situation than he had intended to.

"He stopped by for a drink and to discuss the mission tomorrow," Shepard replied.

"And he needed wine to do that?"

"James," Shepard said as she patted the sofa beside her. "Come sit with me."

He walked over to her bar, grabbed a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses than sat beside her.

"Kaidan, was here only to offer support as a friend."

James poured both of them a shot. He looked into her eyes when he handed it to her. "I know and I am trying…"

She placed her finger over his lips to silence him. "I know you are." Then she leaned in to place a reassuring kiss on his lips.

When she pulled away she, clinked her shot glass against his, "To tattoos."

He grinned at her. "To tattoos."

"I liked, Angelus. He seems like a good friend to have. I'm glad I had a chance to meet him," Shepard said.

"He's been more than a friend, he's been my brother. We have been through hell together and have always had each other's backs," James replied.

"We all need friends like that," Shepard stated.

"Yes we do."

"So about this Josie…"

James pulled her into his arms and stared down into her sparkling green eyes. "She has nothing on you Shepard."

She melted against his chest as her fingers stroked the side of his cheek, "What I was going to say was that she was a fool to walk away from you for some sparkly biotic tricks."

James pulled her into his lap so that she was straddling him and ran his hand down her back. "I'm glad you think so."

He wanted to tell her that Josie didn't compare to her because he loved her, if they lived through the upcoming battle he wanted to spend the rest of his life trying to make her happy, but his voice remained silent. He decided to let his actions show her how much he adored her.

James gripped the bottom of her tee shirt, tugged it over her head then leaned forward and gently kissed the valley between her breasts as his fingers nimbly unhooked her bra then tossed it aside. With one hand around her waist, the other came to her breasts and palmed the soft swell in his hand as his fingers glided over her creamy skin.

"You are so soft, so inviting…" He bent forward and drew her nipple into his mouth, unable to resist the temptation any longer.

Shepard closed her eyes and pressed closer to him as her hands wrapped around his head, holding him to her. He sucked and nipped at the tight buds and a quiet mew escaped her lips. He loved that she enjoyed him and the things that he was doing to her. She moaned as she pressed her hips against his already erect penis. Even through the material of her pants he felt her hot, core and his hips involuntarily surged forward. He needed her, needed to feel her, to taste more of her.

Holding onto her bottom he stood, walked over to her bed and settled her in the center. He leaned over her, undid the buttons on her pants and pulled them down. He left her red lacy panties on. He had plans for those. He removed his own shirt and pants then he covered her body with his as he kissed her tenderly, his fingers combing slowly through her hair. Damn he loved this woman and he was going to take his time to convey to her the depth of his love.

"You are so beautiful, Lola," he moaned as his lips brushed her ear then he kissed his way down her neck to her breasts. His mouth teased and pulled at her nipples, rolling them between his teeth tenderly as he repeatedly sucked her into his mouth, his tongue flicking and circling the orbs as she held tightly to his head, moaning and writhing under his touch.

He continued his path down her as he kissed his way down her stomach; he tenderly kissed the red, swollen tattoo that would be a consistent reminder to him of the wonderful day he had shared with her.

He worked his between her legs then he kissed a path slowly, lovingly down one leg. He nipped at the soft flesh just above her knee and her legs quivered against his head. He ran his tongue up the inside over thigh, he paused at the union of her parted legs, and he could see that the thin material was already wet with her need for him.

"I can't wait to taste you," James groaned. He slipped his thumb under the fabric and ran the pad of his thumb along her folds, parting her wet curls. He leaned forward, clasped his lips over her core and sucked at her through the silky fabric, breathing in the musky scent of her arousal. Shepard whimpered as her hips pressed against him mouth.

"You like that, Lola?"

"Yesss," she cried out breathlessly.

He used his tongue to press the wet, soft material against the swollen bundle of nerves, molding it to her, creating friction as he licked and sucked at her until her hips were moving in time with his mouth, her breath ragged with need.

Her fingers curled into his Mohawk as she moaned, "James."

"I want to lick you until you scream my name," he muttered as he ran his tongue down the inside of her other thigh. His hands reached up, pulled her panties down then he kissed his way back up her thigh. James lifted her legs and hooked them over his shoulders as he edged closer; his eyes savored the sight of her dewy center. His fingers combed through the damp curls before he gently opened her to his hungry eyes.

"Damn, so beautiful… just so… mmm…" he murmured as his lips covered shimmering pink skin.

His tongue flicked lightly over her curls and he smiled as her body arched in anticipation to his touch. He kissed the lips of her womanhood tenderly at first then slowly, teasingly his tongue traced the velvet contours of her glistening folds before he slipped through her dewy curls. He swept his tongue over her hot center, darting in and out of her before he moved up to her swollen nub, and then repeated the same movement all over again.

She moaned. "Oh… fuck… James…"

He smiled as Shepard dug her heels into his back, pulling him closer as his tongue continued to lick, twirl, and suck at her, coaxing her closer and closer to the edge. He brought his fingers up and slid them into her slick core and then pulled them out again.

"James… Oh God… fuck," she cried out, her fists clenching the blankets. He thrust his long fingers in and out while he sucked and licked her, his tongue teasing and twirling around the taut nub.

"De… lic…ous…" James moaned as he lightly grazed the tender flesh with his teeth.

"My sweet Lola… you… taste… wonderful," he whispered against her flesh, and the vibration caused her to arch her back and press harder against his talented mouth.

"James… close… oh… so close…" Shepard sobbed as the sweet agony of her impending orgasm grew stronger with every sweep of his tongue, every thrust of his fingers. James increased the pressure against her swollen orb as he drove his fingers into her with increased speed. He hooked his finger so that it was hitting that spongy spot of flesh that he knew would send her over the edge.

"Come... come for me, Lola," he said, speaking around the quivering flesh against his mouth. "I want to taste you on my tongue."

"Oh…yessss." She screamed as pure ecstasy washed over her. Her thighs closed around him as she arched into him, her hips thrust against his mouth and hand as the intensity of the orgasm coursed through her.

"James." She chanted his name over and over again and he loved the sound of his name falling from her lips.

James' mouth never left her core, he groaned as the sweet evidence of her climax flowed into his mouth and over his lips. His tongue replaced his fingers at her opening as it darted in and out of her throbbing center while his fingers gently circled her swollen pearl.

"Oooo… mmmm, yessss," she cried out as another strong orgasm burst through her. James continued to lovingly stroke her, slowly easing up until she lay there completely sated, only the occasional tremor passing through her.

He needed to be in her, to feel her wrapped tightly around him, he was aching for her. The moment he entered her, fire burned through him and his vision actually blurred as her heat enfolded him, her muscles contracting around him, as she moved with him, she gripped him with each stroke, causing him to shudder with pleasure.

_Fuck me; she was the most fantastic woman he had ever known_. _What had he done to deserve her?_

He needed to be deeper in her, to fill her completely; he pulled out of her, sat back on his knees then pulled her to him and slid back into her. He spread his knees further apart so that he could go deeper into her. He groaned against her neck as he gave her everything…everything he had…and she met his strokes with a plunder of her own, raking his soul of its secrets.

With one hand around her waist, he raised the other to caress what he was sure was the galaxy's most beautiful face. She pressed her cheek into his hand, pressed a kiss into his palm before she drew his thumb into silky mouth and began to suck. His body quivered at the two sensations her body was causing.

"Look at me," he whispered hoarsely.

She lowered her gaze and looked tenderly at him with her piercing emerald green eyes as she continued to ride him. He watched her reverently and enthralled as he watched her eyes change from loving and tender to lustful and hungry as she began to rock faster and harder against him.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed her against him as he drove long, hard thrusts deep inside her. He loved the feel of her breasts as they rubbed against his chest, the way she threw her head back in obvious bliss, the way she purred, just like a cat, as she deepened the movement between them, quickened the pace. He felt her grind her body onto his length as she desperately tried to take him in deeper. She was as wild and uninhibited as he was.

"James, yesss…" She moaned as the sensation built up, growing more intense with every thrust. He shifted, slipped his hand between them, and stroked her nub. She cried out his name again.

"Lola…" He moaned as she rocked with him, she cried out his name and dug her nails into his shoulders, he felt her muscles constrict around him as the current of sheer ecstasy ripped through her.

As she rhythmically clenched and unclenched her inner muscles around him, James felt the pressure start at his core, build, and then burst through him with such an incredible force that he cried from the intense ecstasy. She moaned his name and he silenced her with his lips as he claimed hers intensely… passionately as they rode out their orgasms together. The firestorm of pleasure washed over them, through them, draining them, leaving both of them breathless as they clung to each other.

"Lola," James said tentatively as he pulled back.

She looked into his eyes questioningly. "Tomorrow we head for the Illusive Man's hideout and God only knows what will happen after that. I need you to know that I love you…"

She began to speak, but as she had done early, he tenderly placed a finger over her lips to silence her. "I didn't tell you that because I was looking to hear the same from you. I know there are a lot of things in your past that you are coming to terms with and I understand that. I told you that because I needed you to know what I feel for you and that whatever the future may bring that I want to be there to share it with you."

She looked at him so lovingly that it made his heart ache then she leaned down, pressed her lips against his and the world just slipped away. A hushed moan escaped from the back of his throat as he indulged himself in the sweet honey taste of her mouth, the soft velvety feel of her tongue as it caressed his and her unspoken emotions that were conveyed in that kiss.

She pulled away from him and gently touched the side of his face, caressing his cheek with her thumb. "Please be patient a little longer with me. I'm trying."

He nuzzled against her neck, "Oh baby, I know you are. I would wait forever for you, Lola, mi amor."

* * *

><p><strong>AN – Spanish lesson for the day - mi hermano, my brother, mi amor – my love.**

*** Military lingo - DI - drill instructor, OTS - officer training school.**

***Any Buffy fans out there?**

***If you are curious about their tats the links below were their inspirations. **

**Shepard's tattoo(remove the spaces) –****http:/ /www. /wp-content/uploads/1960/ **

**James' tattoo (remove the spaces) -****http :/ www. xnvx. com/ data/media/58/ Lola_Tattoo. jpg**

***I also want to thank all those who have reviewed, alerted, fav'ed and those who are lurking. Please continue to share your thoughts with me, I love hearing from you and it brings a smile to my face. **


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